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UNIT 7
The Decision
Dr. Sam said to me: “I don’t know how to say this, except to come right out with it, Miriam. The tests we did last week show that there are abnormalities with the fetus. I recommend you consider an abortion.”
I sat, hands folded together in my lap, numbed by his words.” The world around me disappeared as I strove to absorb the dreadful news Dr. Sam was giving me. His voice came to me as if spoken in a tunnel, hollow and echoing. Could this be true? The baby inside me, the miracle created by love, wasn’t perfect!
“Your baby has a condition known as Down’s Syndrome. The problems you will face if you don’t terminate this pregnancy could be overwhelming, especially now that Paul is no longer with you. “Here I was, thirty nine years old, pregnant for the first time, and my doctor, my trusted friend, was telling me I should kill this innocent life in my womb. I knew I had to respond but words escaped me. Finally, I was able to speak. “I need some time to consider my options.” With all that has happened in the past month and a half, I don’t want to do anything without knowing all I can about this.
“You don’t have long, Miriam.” You are eleven weeks along and it’s dangerous to perform an abortion after twelve weeks, try not to prolong your decision.
“It’s too much for me to get my head around right now.” I need to think. I promise I’ll get back to you in a day or so. “I left the office in a daze.” What was I going to do? Where would I begin? Who, besides Dr. Sam, would be able to advise me? My parents were on the other side of the world, teaching in China. I felt that if I could talk to Mom, held in her comforting arms, she would give me some of her wisdom. If I could be face-to-face with Dad, he would give me strength. They were all I had left in my world. My husband, Paul, had been killed in a traffic accident six weeks ago. Mom and Dad had gone back to China a week after the funeral, when they thought I was able to cope with my loss. There was nowhere to turn.
I had to face reality. This was a decision I would make on my own. I needed to gather all the information I could about Down’s syndrome. I wasted no time. I went to the library to begin my research. The steps to the future were in my hands.
The first medical journal I chose explained the causes of Down’s syndrome. Normally, each egg and sperm cell contains 23 chromosomes, and, when they unite, 23 pairs or 46 in total. Occasionally, an accident occurs when the egg or sperm cell is forming, creating an extra chromosome number 21. This extra chromosome results in the features of Down’s syndrome. In the past, this disorder was called “Mongolism” because of the facial characteristics including slanted eyes and a small, flattened nasal bridge. It is a common genetic birth defect affecting about one in 800 to 1000 births when the mother is 30 years of age. The odds of my having a Down syndrome increased to one in 100 because I was in my fortieth year.
There is no cure for this disorder. Neither is there any prevention. My child would be developmentally and physically retarded to a greater or lesser degree. She could have numerous health problems. It was unlikely she would ever marry and her having children was out of the question. Her life expectancy could be as little as 55 years.
Paul and I had been married for ten years and had always regretted the fact that I had been unable to conceive. After he died, I attributed my nausea, vomiting and lethargy to my grief, never suspecting that I might be pregnant. Poor Paul would never know that we would have a child together. This thought alone was what made me realize that I wouldn’t be able to have an abortion, no matter what obstacles might be ahead of us.
I waited a day before calling Dr. Sam to inform him of my decision. I had to be sure! “Miriam, I think I know why you want to go through with this pregnancy, but are you aware of the risks?” “I know my baby will be different.
I know she may be mentally and physically retarded. She may have developmental difficulties and problems with social acceptance. I do recognize that I am going to have to amend almost every facet of my life. I am prepared to do that. This is my final gift from Paul and I am determined to go through with this!”
“I thought you would feel that way. You have my utmost admiration and support. I will follow your pregnancy carefully but I want you to see a specialist in birth defects. I will refer you to Dr. Brown and would like you to make an appointment with her as soon as possible,” he said. I knew then that I had made the right choice.
My pregnancy was not without its hardships, from morning sickness to swollen ankles, but I had no doubts about the decision I had made. My parents, when I told them what was going on with me, expressed their concerns but also their confidence in my decision and assured me they would be there when I delivered my baby.
Paula was born on a bright, cloudless, warm Tuesday morning in May. I was prepared to see a red, wrinkled, squalling infant. Instead, I saw very little. Because of the risks involved, Paula was delivered by Caesarian section. The doctors and nurses rushed her into an incubator to assess her before I caught a glimpse of her. I could see my parents on the other side of the operating room window, questions in their eyes. What was going on?
The nurses kept me comfortable and tried to alleviate my fears but half an hour passed before our questions were answered. My daughter had a severe heart defect. It could be corrected through surgery but not until she gained a little weight and strength. I understood in that moment that my life had changed forever.
I demanded to see her immediately, and as soon as I did, I fell in love. This most precious of all gifts was going to survive the obstacles ahead of her with my help. I knew in an instant that all my strength, love, and monetary resources were at her command. Nothing she wanted, needed, or even dreamed of, would ever be denied.
The heart surgery to correct a flawed valve was a resounding success. Fortunately, the common defects occurring in a majority of Down’s syndrome children were absent in Paula. She has no intestinal malformations, hearing impairment, or severe visual problems.
We are truly blessed.
My parents adore this exceptional grandchild. Their expertise in teaching, nurturing, and parenting has been so welcome. I always knew they were there for me; now they are there for us.
I am aware of the sympathetic looks from strangers who don’t know or understand the disorder afflicting my child. Their pity, for what they ascertain as my plight, is misplaced but understandable. I am sure that I, too, felt sorry for parents of what I thought of as imperfect children.
Paula is a delightful child. Her physical defects are apparent; there is no doubt she is different from other children. However, she goes to school with other children her age; she takes longer to learn things and has to work harder, but she is achieving all the milestones of growing children. Raising her is a challenge, as is the raising of any child. It isn’t easy and it won’t get easier.
As she grows and develops, there will be questions to answer, hurdles to cross, and goals to reach. Paula is different. She is aware that she is. It doesn’t dismay her. She greets each day with a smile on her lips and a sparkle in her eye.
Do I ever have doubts about my decision? No! My only regret is that Paul isn’t here to share my joy in our wonderful daughter. （1391 words）
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发表于 2016-7-11 19:47:26