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9 Things Good Listeners Do Differently
Despite being taught the importance of listening from a young age -- think
about how many teachers have asked you to "put your listening ears on" -- the
truth is, most of us aren't as good at the skill as we ought to be.
尽管从小时候起就被教导倾听的重要性——想想多少老师让你“竖起耳朵听”——真相是，我们大多数人都不擅长本应擅长的技能。
Research shows that the average person listens with only 25 percent
efficiency -- meaning there's a lot we're letting go in one ear and out the
other. But as listening expert Paul Sacco, Ph.D., an assistant professor at the
University of Maryland School of Social Work, explains, there are just a few
simple habits that set the real good listeners apart from the rest.
研究显示一般人倾听的效率只有25%——这意味着我们让很多东西一耳进一耳出了。然而，正如倾听方面的专家保罗·萨科博士所讲，讲真正好的倾听者和其他人区分开的，只有几个简单的习惯。保罗现在马里兰大学社会工作学院担任助理教授。
As Greek philosopher Epictetus once theorized, "We have two ears and one
mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak." So how do we start using
those features more proportionally -- or, as Sacco advises -- access our inner
good listener?
希腊哲学家爱比克泰德曾将此理论化，“我们有两只耳朵一张嘴，是为了让倾听达到讲话的两倍之多。”所以，怎样开始更依比例来运用这些特征呢?或者，如萨科所建议的——接近我们内在好的倾听者呢?
Below are eight habits that good listeners practice in their everyday lives
and conversations that you can adopt for yourself.
以下的八个习惯，好的倾听者会在每日的生活和对话中练习，你也可以博取为自己所用。
They're present.
他们存在于当下。
Being mindful in conversations is a hallmark characteristic of a good
listener, Sacco notes. When you're fully aware in the moment, you're more likely
to retain what you're hearing and respond with more authenticity. That means
stashing those phones and ridding yourself of all distractions.
留心对话是一个好的倾听者的标志特征，萨科讲道。当你完全留心于此刻，就更有可能保留你所听到的，同时给出更准确的回应。这意味着把手机放在一边，摆脱所有让你分神的事物。
"Good listeners really put everything down and focus on the person in front
of them," he says. "And as a result, the other person becomes instantly aware
that they have an interest in what they have to say."
“好的倾听者会真正放下一切，专注于自己眼前的人，”他讲道。“因此，讲话的一方会当即感受到他们在意自己接下来要讲的。”
They're empathetic.
他们会设身处地。
Part of effective listening is the effort to empathize with the person
you're speaking with. Whether or not you're able to fully relate, your
compassion won't go unnoticed. "Spend a moment putting yourself in their
position, what's going through their head and what it must be like for them,"
Sacco says.
有效倾听的一部分就是要尝试站在和你讲话的人的角度。无论你是否能完全设身处地，你的恻隐之心不会被忽略。“花些时间把自己摆在他人的角度，想想他们脑中所想以及由此而生的感受，”萨科讲道。
"Understanding what their experience is even before you talk to them [can
help you connect with them]. And it sounds bad, but even if you blow it, you're
still better off because the other person will see the attempt."
“甚至在和他们讲话前，就了解他们的感受。这点会帮助你和他们建立联系。虽然听起来糟糕，可即使尝试泡汤了，你仍有优势，因为另一个人会看到你的努力。”
They realize their shortcomings.
他们能意识到自己的缺点。
It may be a strange way of thinking about it, but accepting yourself is key
to being a good listener overall, Sacco says. In other words, we can't pick up
on everything everyone is saying all the time -- and that's OK. "I've definitely
had my share of reflective listening failures," Sacco admits. "Sometimes...
having that intentionality to listen and allowing yourself to miss the boat
sometimes [is good enough]."
这样的考虑方式或许奇怪，但是总体来讲，接受自己是成为好的倾听者的关键，萨科讲道。换言之，我们无法接收每个人讲的每件事——这没关系。“我当然反思过自己倾听失败的时候，”萨科承认道。“有时…有意识地倾听，容许自己有时不得要领，这够好了。”
They have an open mind.
他们头脑开放。
Great listeners know that every conversation they have isn't going to
resolve a larger issue -- but it puts them one step closer to understanding the
people they communicate with on a daily basis. "Listening isn't magic," Sacco
explains. "If I have a conflict with my daughter, I still have a conflict -- but
it puts you in a position where you can start to problem-solve. ... It allows
each person to understand the other's thoughts."
优秀的倾听者知道，他们参与的每个对话不是能解决更大的难题——但对话让他们日益接近和自己交流的人。“倾听不是魔术，”萨科解释道。“如果我和女儿发生争执，争执仍然存在——但倾听让你能够开始解决问题。…它让每个人都能够了解其他人的想法。”
They're emotionally intelligent.
他们情商高。
Emotional intelligence, or the awareness of our emotions and the emotions
of those around us, can help enhance any interaction -- especially when it comes
to listening.
情商，或者对自己和周围人情绪的警觉，能够帮助提升互动——尤其在倾听的时候。
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发表于 2016-7-10 18:13:18