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女朋友把账单发给你 你会帮她还钱吗?网友:这是一道送命题!

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发表于 2018-7-4 23:01:04 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
  女朋友把花呗/信用卡账单发给你,你会怎么做?或者你会把花呗/信用卡账单发给男朋友吗?
          具体是这样的——
          上个月支付宝的花呗账单出来了,发现花得太多了,我就顺手截图发给了男朋友,后面附带发了一个求包养的表情。
          因为我平时也经常哭穷,就是开开玩笑,也没让他帮我还花呗的意思。即使他要帮我还,我也不会接受。
          可过了大半天,他都没回复我。因为他平时上班也挺忙,所以我也没追问。晚上他来找我聊天,但根本就不提这事。
          我心里就有点堵。一般不都会问怎么花了那么多,或者说这个月你的饭我包了,但他一句话都没说,让我有点伤心。所以我就问了他为啥不回这个消息。
          他告诉我说不知道怎么回复,因为他自己最近也没钱。
          我就和他说,我没让你帮我还花呗的意思。接着他说,那就应该把事情说清楚,不应该就发个表情,他误以为是让他帮忙还的意思。
          * 此处的“我”,是英大的朋友。
          这事儿也在我们微信群里吵翻了天。
          有些人觉得——
          “这没什么大不了,就是开个玩笑。这个男生真不大度,太较真了。”
          “平时我们也会开类似玩笑,例如“买了XXX,所以现在太穷了”、“618买了太多,都没钱吃饭了”之类的。也都是吵吵闹闹就过了,只是想和男朋友分享一下自己的生活罢了。”
          另外,还有人觉得——
          “这不是玩笑。首先,把花呗账单发给男朋友,潜意识就是想要他帮忙还钱。”
          “换位思考一下,如果你是男朋友你会怎么想?
          如果他回复:“怎么花那么多?”这时,你是不是会生气,觉得他凭什么来说你。
          如果他回复:“我帮你还。”那你是不是也不开心,因为你会觉得他看不起你,觉得你自己能力不够还不起账。
          现在不做任何回应是最好的处理方式,避免了各种尴尬。”
          总而言之,对男生来说这就是一道送命题啊!
          这事在国外也时有发生。老外争执不休,看看他们的观点如何。
          1. 是否该帮TA还钱?
          对于恋爱时,是否该为另一半还信用卡吗?大部分老外都持反对意见,因为他们觉得——
          Paying off someone else’s debt often has unforeseen consequences.
          替别人还信用卡,往往有不可预料的结果。
          专家这样说
          首先,会对自己的 经济状况造成损失。
          毫无疑问,帮别人还信用卡等债务会影响自己的经济状况。大部分人都是上班族,每月工资自己花都紧巴巴的。
          当然如果特别有钱,就另当别论
          For example, cosigning on one of their loans or taking out a loan for them
puts your credit score on the line. Giving them cash can also be risky. It's
essential to have money set aside for emergencies, and especially if you're
young, you may not have much to spare. Never pay off your boyfriend or
girlfriend's debt at the expense of your own financial security.
          比如为他们担保贷款或替他们贷款会让影响你的信用。给现金也有风险。留够急救金非常重要,年轻人特别要注意这点,以防没有储蓄。千万别为了男女朋友的债务让自己陷入经济危机。
          其次,有了第一次,就会有下一次。
          万事开了先例,就会停不下来。最严重的,或许会让TA依赖你——每次花钱,都会认为有人能帮自己还。
            
            
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发表于 2018-7-5 00:29:00 | 显示全部楼层

          这种情况下,有朝一日一旦终止,两人的感情就很容易破裂,毕竟谈钱伤感情......
          If you pay off your partner's debt, ask yourself how likely they are to
manage their money more responsibly in the future. Without having to confront
their spending, they may well end up in debt again – and if you’re still
together, they may expect you to bail them out.
          如果替另一半偿还债务,问问自己他们以后认真理财的可能性有多大。如果不解决开销问题,有可能再次陷入债务。如果你们还没分手的话,你可能又要出手相救了。
          Consider how you'd feel, after it's over, if you had given your partner a
major financial gift. If you dated for two more years, would you consider it a
good investment? What about two more weeks? There are no guarantees in
relationships, so as you weigh the pros and cons of paying your partner's debt,
keep the worst case scenario in mind.
          想一下,如果你曾为对方花过一大笔钱,这段关系结束的时候,你是什么感觉?如果交往超过两年,这会是一项好投资吗?如果你们只交往了两周呢?恋爱中没有什么是肯定的,衡量替另一半还债的优缺点时,做好最坏的打算。
          如果另一半是很会花钱的那一类,经常入不敷出,在平时就可以有意识的引导TA进行理性消费。例如,分享自己的的信用记录和预算,告诉对方如何削减开支等等。
          如果不听规劝,那么......
          网友这样说
          这个问题在Quora也很热门,下面2个回答是被赞最多的。
          Craig Fisher 克雷格·费舍尔 ——
          是否帮TA还钱,建立在信任基础之上。例如,如果你与她在一起几个月,你不该还。如果你与她在一起几年,而且还会与她在一起更久,你也许可以考虑一下(为她还卡债)。
          Unfortunately, do you trust her enough to pay her back or will she leave
you out of pocket, is she going to cancel the card and be done with it or run up
another bill on your money.
          你足够信任她而为她还欠款吗?她会让你生活拮据吗?她会注销那张卡然后不再使用信用卡吗?她会用你的钱赊购其他东西吗?
          Can you reasonably afford to pay it back for her and not miss the money or
will you be struggling to do it, you have left it a little vague here to answer
sufficiently but if you've been with her a few months no if you have been with
her for years and see many more ahead then maybe consider it.
          你能理智地为她还清卡债而不惦记着那笔钱吗?为她还钱,你会挣扎吗?要全部回答这些问题,你还有些含糊其辞。但如果你与她在一起几个月,你不该还。如果你与她在一起几年,而且还会与她在一起更久,你也许可以考虑一下(为她还卡债)。
          Daniel Dugas 丹尼尔·杜加斯,从金融信用的角度分析了这个问题——
          No. Paying her bills does nothing to build your credit rating. The only
reason you might consider paying her bills is because she will be a co-applicant
on a loan, mortgage, credit line or similar debt product application and then
her credit rating will be taken into consideration.
          不该还。为她还钱对于建立你的信用评级没有任何帮助。你也许可以考虑为她还钱的唯一理由是她会是你的贷款、按揭贷款、信用额度或类似债务产品申请的联名申请人,那时候她的信用评级也会被考虑在内。
          2. 是否要借钱给TA?
          除了帮TA还钱,还有一种情况是TA来找你借钱。
          不知道大家有没有遇到过。面对这种情况,到底借不借?
          就像上面说的,大多数人反对把钱和爱、感情、任何东西联系起来。不要借钱给朋友,别和朋友做生意等等。
          当然,也不建议把钱借给你的另一半。感情涉及到钱,就很容易导致分手。不少研究发现,钱是引发争吵甚至导致离婚的首要因素。
          因为当把钱借给男/女朋友后,你就变成了债主。而最尴尬的是,还不好意思找TA还钱。
          国外,有个网友把自己的经历发在了网上——
          Because once you lend money to someone you love, you automatically have
stock in him in a way you didn’t before. When my boyfriend was considering an
offer for a full-time job, I all but forced him to pass on the first offer and
ask for more. I even found myself getting pushy about the newfound vacation time
he was about to have and where he would spend it. I realized, with horror, that
rather than him taking advantage of me, I was the one starting to lean a little
hard on his choices, and I didn’t like it one bit.
          借钱给爱人后,你就会自动成为他的投资人,而此前你们没有这种关系。男友找工作时,我强制他接受第一份工作,还必须要更多的酬劳。我还发现自己对他的假期时间、地点掌控欲很强。他没有占我便宜,是我开始带着骄傲控制他的选择。我一点也不喜欢这种感觉。
          I hate feeling indebted. But the idea of having to collect from someone is
just plain awkward. Add to that the fact that it’s not like I sent a check to a
cousin I never see; I was there with him, and couldn’t help but become aware of
even the smallest financial choices he was making — even if it just meant a
second or third beer. It’s not like I was fronting his rent every month, but
still — there was a transactional element that was unnerving, no matter what
feminist stance I took.
          讨厌当债主的感觉。问别人要钱的感觉太尴尬了。更难堪的是,我不是借钱给从未谋面的表亲,我就和男友在一起,还总是不自觉记住他花的每一分钱——甚至连两三杯啤酒都记得。这和我每月替他付房租不同,不管我是不是站在女权的角度,我们之间总是有一种令人慌乱的交易感。
          Not long after, he took that job offer (for more than they originally
offered, thank you very much). Unfortunately, the relationship ended around that
same time for a range of complicated reasons I won’t go into. But I don’t regret
lending him money when he needed it. Giving not just emotionally but financially
was a good test of my ability to be vulnerable in ways that only money can make
you.
          没过多久他就接受了那份工作(工资更高)。我们也在那时分手了,理由很多很复杂,我不想多说。我不后悔在他需要的时候曾经借钱给他。不管是付出感情还是金钱,都磨砺了我无坚不摧的能力,而从前只有钱能让我无所畏惧。
          感情一涉及到金钱,就会变味儿了。毕竟现在欠债的,都是大佬!
            
            
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