名师点评网友BEC初级作文(2)

英语自学网

本期作文题目：
        Formulate a smoking policy for your office which is fair to both smokers and nonsmokers. Write a 40-50 word memo informing all staff of the policy.
       
        提示：
        我们需要确定，如果我是公司职员，我要在这篇memo中获得什么信息?是不是要知道：
        1.新的吸烟政策从什么时候开始;
        2.吸烟区划定在什么地方?
       
        网友作文一：
        TO: All Employees
        FROM: CEO, Willan Smith
        SUBJECT: NEW SMOKING POLICY
        For all the employees, especially smokers,[1] plz be aware that our company's new smoking policy has been formulated as follow: A main smoking area's going to be restricted before Next MONDAY[2], anyone is not allowed to smoker in non-smoking zone even in the washing room.[3]
        Plz target the smoking and non-smoking area and stick to the company's new policy.[4]
        Thx.
       
        名师指导：
        [1]去掉，抬头已经写过给所有的员工，所以直接从正文开始就行了，费这个事干什么?
        [2]时间不确切，最好是 from next Monday. Before 这个期限是什么时候?如果不能给出确切信息，就不要说，还不如换成具体的吸烟区域更好: be restricted to the room next to the toilet.
        [3]你经常在洗手间吸烟吗?或者你们公司有这样的同事?把这句话去掉。
        [4]添加：to ensure that it is fair to all of you.
       
        网友作文二：
        To: All staff
        From: Hope0068
        Everybody know that smoking is dangerous for your health. And the The studies didn't just point to the ill effects of smoking on those who smoke--non-smokers, too. [1] Notice is hereby given that the smoking area is located in the special corner[2] of the first floor of this building. This come into force on[3] September 15th.
        Thanks.
       
        名师指导：
        [1]Memo 的主要作用就是提醒同事们注意事项，这和吸烟有多有害不相干，去掉。改为：to assure working environment
        [2]一般的公司都应该给个room
        [3]from
       
        网友作文三：
        memorandum
        to : all the staff
        from : jeremy
        subjuect : new somking policy
        do you have a feeling that our office is surrounding by smog all the day, [1]so we will implemented a[2] new policy for somking ,from next week[3] ,we will open an area[4] for the smoking ,and other area is rescricting to smoke ,also there is a punishment when we find you smoke in these area [5]
        thank you
       
        名师指导：
        [1]去掉来
        [2]we will implement a
        [3]Next Monday
        [4]在哪里啊?
        [5]关于惩罚，最好不提。
       
        网友作文四：
        to: All Staff
        from: Susuan Wu
        To creat a nonsmoking office room, we hope that smoking is forbidden in the work office from Sep.1st. Would you please enjoy your smoking in the Launch by closing the office door.
        Thank you for your coperation.
       
        名师指导：
        整体很干脆，但是语气比较客气，而且没有看出是公司新政策的实行啊!
       
        网友作文五：
        To: All staff
        From: Sarah Buffay
        As you all know, there is an increasing dispute about smoking in the office. Now we'd like to formulate a policy both fair to smokers and nonsmokers: The vacant room 408 will be opened as "Smoking Room" from tomorrow. All smokers may go there within the time limitation from 9:00a.m. to 4:00p.m. But smokers are not allowed to smoke outside this room.[1]
        If you have any problems, please contact me. [2]
       
        名师指导：
        [1]去掉。
        [2]这是信件的结尾，不是memo的，直接用 thank you 就可以。