商务英语写作：名师点评网友BEC初级作文(2)

英语自学网

本期作文题目：
Formulate a smoking policy for your office which is fair to both smokers and nonsmokers. Write a 40-50 word memo informing all staff of the policy.
　　提示：
我们需要确定，如果我是公司职员，我要在这篇memo中获得什么信息?是不是要知道：
　　1.新的吸烟政策从什么时候开始;
　　2.吸烟区划定在什么地方?
　　网友作文一：
TO: All Employees
　　FROM: CEO, Willan Smith
　　SUBJECT: NEW SMOKING POLICY
　　For all the employees, especially smokers,[1] plz be aware that our company‘s new smoking policy has been formulated as follow: A main smoking area‘s going to be restricted before Next MONDAY, anyone is not allowed to smoker in non-smoking zone even in the washing room.Plz target the smoking and non-moking area and stick to the company‘s new policy.Thx.
　　名师指导：
[1]去掉，抬头已经写过给所有的员工，所以直接从正文开始就行了，费这个事干什么?
　　时间不确切，最好是 from next Monday. Before 这个期限是什么时候?如果不能给出确切信息，就不要说，还不如换成具体的吸烟区域更好: be restricted to the room next to the toilet.
　　你经常在洗手间吸烟吗?或者你们公司有这样的同事?把这句话去掉。
　　添加：to ensure that it is fair to all of you.
　　网友作文二：
To: All staff
　　From: Hope0068
　　Everybody know that smoking is dangerous for your health. And the The studies didn‘t just point to the ill effects of smoking on those who smoke--non-smokers, too. [1] Notice is hereby given that the smoking area is located in the special corner of the first floor of this building. This come into force on September 15th.Thanks.
　　名师指导：
[1]Memo 的主要作用就是提醒同事们注意事项，这和吸烟有多有害不相干，去掉。改为：to assure working environment
　　一般的公司都应该给个room
　　from