美国晚间脱口秀笑话一周精选（5月22日）

英语自学网

"Both President Obama and Dick Cheney will give competing speeches tomorrow on national security and terrorism. It's kind of like 'American Idol' except one of them got voted off months ago." --Jimmy Fallon
奥巴马总统和迪克·切尼明天会就国家安全和恐怖主义的问题发表演说PK，这就像“美国偶像”一样，只是其中一个几个月前就输掉了投票。——吉米·法伦
Kris Allen夺得2009美国偶像第八季冠军>> （听歌）
"But the speech went over pretty well. I mean, Cheney was interrupted five times by applause and 50 times by people screaming, 'Stop! I'll tell you everything! What do you want to know? Just stop, please! Don't go on!'" --David Letterman
不过演说进行得非常好，我的意思是切尼被掌声打断了5次，被人们的尖叫打断了50次，“停，我会告诉你们一切的！你们想知道什么？请停一下，不要继续了！”——大卫·莱特曼
"In competing speeches today, President Obama said the U.S. went off course with practices like waterboarding. Cheney retaliated by saying he doesn't regret any of the decisions he made, and if he had to do it all over again, he would order President Bush to do exactly the same thing. And then he ate a baby." --Jimmy Kimmel
在今天的演说PK中，奥巴马总统说美国因为水刑的使用这样的情况而偏离了正常方向。切尼回敬说他从不为自己做过的决定后悔，如果他不得不重新再做一次，他会命令布什总统做一模一样的事情。然后他干掉了一个玉米煎饼。——吉米·卡莫
沪江小编：eat a baby不是指吃孩子哦，eat a baby指的是The act of consuming a Chipotle Burrito. Burrito的意思是墨西哥煎饼，看起来有点像墨西哥鸡肉卷，可能因为被卷起来像一个被包住的孩子所以才叫eat a baby吧

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"Vice President Joe Biden is on a trip to Bosnia, Serbia, and
Kosovo. The White House is calling it 'Operation Keep Biden Away From
the Microphones.'" --Jay Leno
副总统乔·拜登出访去了，他要去波斯尼亚、赛比亚和科索沃。白宫把这次出访叫做“让拜登远离麦克风行动。”——杰·雷诺
"Newsweek
is reporting that at the Gridiron Dinner, Joe Biden started talking and
accidentally revealed Dick Cheney's secret hiding place. See, there's
more proof you don't need waterboarding to get secret information. Just
give Joe Biden a couple of drinks." --Jay Leno
新闻周刊报道在烤架晚宴上，乔·拜登开腔说话，不小心泄露了迪克·切尼的秘密藏身处。看，这又是一个证据，我们根本不需要什么水刑来获得秘密信息。给乔·拜登几杯酒就行了。——杰·雷诺

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烤架俱乐部创建于1885年，是美国首都华盛顿最负盛名的记者组织，会员采用邀请制，每年会有一次年度晚宴，之前小布什就曾在烤架晚宴上一展歌喉提前告别白宫。拜登在这种场合说错话就是传说中的撞枪口上了。
"Joe
Biden accidentally revealed the location of the Vice President's top
secret bunker. The guy can't help it. But he did apologize. He said, 'I
am so sorry for the mistake. The launch code is 85334. It will never
happen again. It will never happen again. My Gmail password is robot23.
What am I doing? The house key is under the plant near the doorstep.'"
--Jimmy Fallon
乔·拜登不小心泄露了副总统最高机密掩体的位置。这家伙管不了自己。但是他的确道歉了。他说“对我这个错误我非常抱歉，发射密码是85334。这事再也不会发生了，再也不会发生了，我Gmail的密码是robot23，我在干什么？房间钥匙在门前台阶附近的植物下面。
”——吉米·法伦
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