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发表于 2016-7-10 15:51:14
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第二段主要升级的地方有:
1.从单词角度来说,原先用到的低级单词,词组乃至谚语的使用,比如:In some people’s opinions,reasonable,“No pay, no gain”, gain,encourage,上升到defend,deserves to,converted ,money worship,community ,appropriate,acquire,correspondent,inspire之类的高端词汇。我们可以看到,得到升级的词汇主要还是集中在动词方面。另外,我们在写作的时候可以预见到的就是“No pay, no gain”一定将会成为写作当中的高频词汇并且被其他考生滥用至死。那么我们就应该避免与他人的重复,一个money worship拜金主义,让考官一眼就明白了想要表达的意思。
2.既然单词升级了,那么句型的用法自然也得到了相应的升级。比如说原先是四句话解决的问题,改变之后就用三句话可以说清楚。同时连接起来相对更加通顺自然,因果,并列,递进,转折,一气呵成,文章的起承转合更加通顺。造成这个的根本原因就是in that这个词组的使用。因此我们在词汇升级的同时,一定要注意到这些基本连词的使用技巧。
3. 用以表达认为,猜测,想等心里活动的动词有:suppose,figure,reckon,believe,presume,assume,defend,argue,reason
用以表达获得的单词有:obtain,attain,acquire
用以表达改变,转变的单词有:divert,convert,alter,transfer,transform
In spite of all these claims, most people agree that there is unnecessary to reward after doing a good deed. Most important of all, doing good deeds should originate in human’s heart. It’s pleasure to help others. Moreover, Leifeng, doing lots of good deeds without rewards, is regarded as a model. That is to say, praise is beyond a good deed. Finally, it is a responsibility to help others in trouble.
第三段进行词汇升级之后,形成这样的句子:
In spite of above-mentioned statements, the majority still consent that it is dispensable to reward people of doing good. Take Mr. Leifeng as an example, he spent his whole frugal life in aiding and assisting others without any return. Up to the present, people commemorate him in every 5th March. He declined rewards and awards but achieved regards and respects. Therefore, doing good deeds should be based on one’s beautiful mind, which is a sort of virtue out of self-consciousness. Meanwhile, doing good deeds incarnates man’s social liabilities and obligations.
第三段升级的地方有更多:
1. 对于单词的升级有:above-mentioned,majority,consent,dispensable,frugal, aiding and assisting,return ,Up to the present,commemorate,declined ,regards and respects,self-consciousness,incarnates,liabilities and obligations。文章中尤其重视了对押头韵的方法写作,使用的单词更是一般学生不会在写作中涉及的单词。比如说到责任,学生会第一时间想到一个词:responsibility。但是在文章中,既然别人都使用这样的高频词汇,那么我们在给与单词升级的时候,就要避免出现这样的高频单词。
2.文章的结构更加的完美。开头就带入雷锋同志的先进事例,通过举例说明引出为什么不要得到回报的两点原因。这样的文章更能表现出有理推断的写作逻辑。通过改变我们写作的顺续就可以将文章丰满,这也是值得我们去借鉴的地方。
Weighing the pros and cons of these arguments, I am inclined to agree with the latter point of view. Although it is not an error that getting rewards legally in doing good deeds, I don’t think it is virtuous. How can we, being warm-hearted and well-educated people in contemporary society, not do good deeds without rewards?
第四段进行词汇升级之后,形成这样的句子:
Weighing the pros and cons, I am inclined to approve the latter viewpoint. Although reward accepting can hardly be accounted for a blunder, I still deem that doing good deeds without reward should be consistently a favorable custom in the country. I hold this truth as self-evident that ask not what others do for you, ask what you do for others.
第四段在变脸之后
1.词汇升级的部分有:approve,viewpoint,accounted for,blunder,deem,consistently,favorable custom,在最后一段其实是表明自己的观点的同时,对文章的中心论点进行再次的阐明和强调。与其和别人大相径庭的结尾进行模版式的搬弄,还不如在文章的最后进行主题的升华。
2.文章的最后一句话就是一篇文章的主题的再突出,用了两句名人名言的改写,一个是林肯总统,一个是罗斯福总统的话。让人感觉文章的档次瞬间上升。相比较而言,什么NO PAY NO GAIN这样的土话就请大家以后不要再用了。
在改写完成之后,整篇文章的最后形状是这样的:
Should One Expect a Reward When Doing a Good Deed?
Currently, the issue that should man look forward to being rewarded when conducting a good deed is being drastically debated in public.
Some people defend that it deserves to be rewarded after a good deed has been done in that they believe that contemporary society has increasingly converted to “money worship” community. Now that expending time, dedicating effort, or even consuming money in doing good deeds, correspondently, it is appropriate to acquire rewards.
In spite of above-mentioned statements, the majority still consent that it is dispensable to reward people of doing good. Take Mr. Leifeng as an example, he spent his whole frugal life in aiding and assisting others without any return. Up to the present, people commemorate him in every 5th March. He declined rewards and awards but achieved regards and respects. Therefore, doing good deeds should be based on one’s beautiful mind, which is a sort of virtue out of self-consciousness. Meanwhile, doing good deeds incarnates man’s social liabilities and obligations.
Weighing the pros and cons, I am inclined to approve the latter viewpoint. Although reward accepting can hardly be accounted for a blunder, I still deem that doing good deeds without reward should be consistently a favorable custom in the country. I hold this truth as self-evident that ask not what others do for you, ask what you do for others.
文章进行词汇升级之前,最多在考官的面前能够拿到9分,但是经过细致的升级和改革之后,本文在实际考试中的打分至少可以得到14分。当然文章可以做得更好,但是需要的是大家能够脱离既定的模版进行写作,否则进行无数次的词汇升级,哪怕是把单词上升到GRE考试的高度上,写出来的文章也不能做到有血有肉。在这样一个写作模版流行的时代,我更希望同学们能够记住一个我自己创造的单词:demodelization。我解释的意思就是去模版化。模版不能说没有用,它在我们考试的时候帮助我们节省了宝贵的时间去思考文章的核心,只要往里面进行拼凑就可以了。可是却丧失了达到作文考察的根本目的:对于已经获取知识的合理运用。因此我们在写作文的时候,第一个考虑的就是将自己所写的文章进行词汇的但方面升级,另外一点就是应该让自己的文章尽量脱离模版来完成。模版不是万能,单词也不是万能,合理的利用所学知识才是永远的万能。
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