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Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a composition on the topic On Dieting. You should write at least 150 words, and base your composition on the outline (given in Chinese) below:
1)现在有越来越多人的选择节食，有的人是为了健康，但是更多的人是为了有一个苗条的身材
2)分析节食减肥可能带来的影响
3)你的建议
On Dieting
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行文思路
本题属于提纲式文字命题。提纲第1点指出一种现象并要求说明原因，提纲第2点要求分析这种现象可能带来的影响，提纲第3点要求针对该现象提出“我”的建议，由此可判断本文应为现象解释型作文。
根据所给提纲，本文应包含如下内容：描述越来越多的人节食的现象并分析主要原因;阐述节食不当可能带来的影响;针对节食给出“我”的建议。
高分范文
On Dieting
Nowadays more and more people are beginning to go on a diet. Some people are concerned with their health, and they go on a diet in order to lose unwanted weight. But still others, [1]especially the young women, are paying too much attention to their outward appearance. They [2]become the leading numbers who go on a diet.
[3]However, dieting might [4]bring great negative effects on people. [3]For one thing, quite a lot of people don’t really need dieting to keep health, and they diet just because they want to keep slim. For them, dieting [5]not only is useless but also might damage their health. [3]For another, some people lack enough knowledge on how to diet scientifically. [3]As a result, they are likely to suffer from malnutrition.
[6]Considering the serious damage of unhealthy dieting, we should be cautious in dieting. [3]In my opinion, dieting,[7]for whatever reasons, needs professional guidance. [8]Only with right guidance can dieting work [9]as we expect.
【亮点点评】
[1]“尤其”，表示强调。
[2]“成为主力军”。
[3]过渡衔接词语，使文章条理清晰、衔接紧密。
[4]用于引出对危害或负面影响的阐述。
[5]“not only… but also”用于连接并列成分。
[6]“考虑到，鉴于”，介词。
[7]“不管因为什么原因”，whatever意为“无论什么”。
[8]“only+状语”位于句首，引起句子部分倒装。
[9]“像我们期望的那样”。
佳句临摹
1.佳句：For them, dieting not only is useless but also might damage their health.
临摹：基因技术不仅使动植物受益而且还有助于提高人类的生活质量。
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2.佳句：In my opinion, dieting, for whatever reasons, needs professional guidance.
临摹： 无论你的目标是什么，你都必须通过诚实的劳动来实现它。
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3.佳句：Only with right guidance can dieting work as we expect.
临摹：只有修满足够的学分，学生才能够获准毕业。
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【KEY】
1. Genetic technology helps not only the plant and animals but also human beings to live a higher quality
2. Whatever your aim is, you must worked honestly to attain it.
3. Only when adequate credits have been achieved can students gain the qualification for graduation. |
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发表于 2016-7-10 14:38:23