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Is your life ruled by love or by fear? Love and fear are opposite emotional
attitudes that shape our life in very different ways. The psychoanalyst John
McMurray describes the difference like this:
"The fear-determined have no sun in themselves and go about putting out the
sun in other people. The love-determined have life in them, abundant life. They
are the people who are really alive, of whom it can be said that they possess
eternal life as a well within them perpetually."
Life is a lot more beautiful and vivid if it is determined by love and not
by fear. I’m sure you can imagine that someone determined completely by love
would be a kind of saint. In contrast, most of us ordinary human beings are
determined by both forces, love and fear. However, in my experience, even a tiny
shift towards love—and away from fear—can bring a lot more Happiness.
Here are 7 tips that you can move towards love and away from fear.
1. Cultivate gratitude
Gratitude makes us feel happier. If you remember to be grateful for the
blessings of your life, you start to feel more connected to yourself and others.
When you let go of niggles and embrace gratitude instead, love springs up.
2. Reality-test your fear
Sometimes fear can be like a cloud that keeps out the sunlight. Then
everything feels huge and oppressive. A simple way to deal with fear is to test
its reality. Write down three things that you are afraid of. Then look at each
point and ask yourself, “Is this fear really grounded in reality?” I know that
when I do this, I often find that my fears are unfounded. It’s like living in a
shadow-land, peering into the future and expecting bad things to happen.
3. Take action
Fear is often born out of inaction. For example, if you get a sense that
your health is impaired, but you don't check it out with a doctor, you may start
to imagine that you are heading for a major health crisis. (I could fill a whole
notebook with illnesses I once thought I had - but never actually got!) Once
you've been to a doctor and reviewed the problems, the steps towards renewed
health may seem much more manageable.
Taking action is the best antidote to fear. Once you start to address the
issues one by one, fears shrink and may even disappear.
4. Cultivate friendships
Good friends are important because they teach us to love. It's often much
easier to love a good friend than it is to love and forgive our partner. Friends
are lasting companions in life. It’s good to talk with them when we feel afraid.
They can give us a fresh perspective on what is troubling us.
5. Be generous
In the quote above, John McMurray points out that fear-determined people
have no sun in themselves and "go about putting out the sun in other people."
Fear makes us narrow-minded and we tend to put down others. Here is how I deal
with that: when I notice I'm getting negative, I put a small pebble into one of
my pockets. Each time I catch myself using a put-down, I quietly shift the
pebble into the other pocket and say to myself kindly, "Well, maybe I can say
that differently next time."
6. Practise kindness
Kindness is 'love-in-action'. It’s good to make a habit of it. The trick is
to notice what people need. Here is an example: yesterday I was talking to a
stall-holder at a farmers' market who fashions wooden spoons. He saw that I was
carrying a bag of luscious, fresh corncobs. He said, "Oh, they look nice!" Then
he sighed, "Oh well, by the time I've finished selling at my stand they’ll have
all gone." I offered to get some for him. It was a small action but it made us
both feel good. Try and spot one occasion each day when you can be of help.
7. Open your awareness
Fear tends to make us focus inwards. A way out of is to do the opposite and
open your awareness to include everything around you. For example, if you notice
anxious thoughts, open you mind and listen to sounds around you. Maybe you can
hear birdsong, or traffic noise, or children playing. This has an instant
calming effect and fear wanes.
If you follow these 7 tips, you'll move towards more love and less fear in
your life. Soon you will notice an upsurge of Happiness and contentment, instead
of fear and anxiety.
What is your experience of living with love or with fear? Maybe you could
share your special way of inviting love into your life and saying "good-bye" to
fear? |
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发表于 2016-7-10 11:36:25