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The foundation of any relationship, whether it be with a Business
associate, spouse, parent, client or, friend, is trust. Trust is not something
that can be built with quick fix techniques. Rather, it is something that is
cultivated through consistent habits in your interactions. The following are
twelve patterns of behavior that increase trust in your relationships.
1. Be transparent
Do not try to hide things from others. Refuse to have any hidden agendas.
You might think you can pull a fast one on someone else. You can’t. Most people
have good intuition and even though they may not be able to consciously
determine that you are hiding something, they very likely will have an uneasy
feeling around you. If they don`t feel comfortable around you, they won't be
able to trust you.
Another sinister aspect of having hidden agenda is that it erodes your
ability to trust others. You will assume that if you aren’t fully forthcoming,
other people aren’t either. When you are trustworthy, however, you will see
others as more trustworthy too.
2. Be sincere
This is similar to the previous point. Only say what you mean. Be
impeccably honest with your words. Refuse to try and craft your words to
manipulate others. Don`t give fake compliments, patronize others or say
something just because you think you are supposed to. Again, people have good BS
detectors. When others know that you only speak genuinely, it increases their
capacity to trust you. Everyone loves authenticity.
3. Focus on adding value
In any relationship, always have the best interest of others at heart. Work
hard to give as much or more than you get. When you consistently add value to
someone`s life, they not only feel like you are on their side, they also have
the urge to reciprocate. In Business relationships, this means always
under-promise and over-deliver. In personal relationships, focusing on meeting
the needs of the other person instead of taking in order to get your own needs
met.
4. Be present
The last thing anyone wants is to have a conversation with someone who
isn’t there. Instead of retreating into your head, focus on listening to others.
Whenever you are with someone, make them your primary focus. Don’t think about
work while you are at Home talking to your spouse. Don’t think about life at
Home when you are with a client. When it comes to relationships, presence means
quality time and quality time builds trust.
5. Always treat people with respect
Ever since we were little kids, we have been taught to be respectful.
However, when our standards get violated or there is no one around to see (read:
we don`t think there will be any consequences), we can often engage in petty
behavior. This encompasses a wide range of actions from personal attacks during
arguments to gossiping behind someone’s back.
Always remember that another person’s inherent worth as a human being
entitles them to be treated with dignity. When people know that you will always
treat with them respect, it is very natural for trust to flourish.
6. Take responsibility
When you mess up, which you invariably will, be quick to clean it up. Skip
the excuses and just take responsibility. Justifying and making excuses may help
you in the short term but in the long run, it does nothing for your character or
the level of trust you are given. Accountability is a rare trait these days with
most people wanting to avoid negative consequences at all costs. Dare to be
different and you will win the trust of others.
7. Focus on feedback
Unless you`re a mind reader, the only way you can know how well a
relationship is going is by getting feedback from the other person. Be not only
willing to accept feedback – actively seek it out. Many people are afraid to
give you feedback, especially if its negative, out of fear that they will
offend. Ask with sincerity and respond respectfully and others will be far more
willing. Take both the positive and negative into account along with your own
judgment and adjust your behaviour accordingly.
8. Take criticism well
Learn to handle criticism with grace. Instead of getting defensive,
consider the possibility that what the other person is saying might be true.
Closing yourself off from criticism has the effect of closing off all
communication.
In some cases, the criticism may indeed be inaccurate. In these instances,
you have the opportunity to show empathy. Try to understand the problem from the
other person’s point of view. Perhaps the criticism is just a thinly veiled
attack that stems from a deeper upset they may have with you. In these cases,
your willingness to dig deeper without getting defensive will certainly enhance
the trust in the relationship.
9. Set boundaries
Be clear about how you expect people to behave around you. Again, do this
in a mature manner: be sincere and respectful. When you have clear standards,
people know exactly how to behave around you and that gives them certainty. The
strength that you communicate by setting boundaries builds trust – when someone
knows that they can`t take advantage you that alleviates the fear that someone
else will.
10. Be a class act
Hold yourself to a higher a standard. Be quick to apologize when you know
you are wrong. Only speak well of others, even those who don`t speak well of
you.
Why should you do this? First, imagine what it would do to your sense of
self to know that other people only have good experiences with you. Second,
imagine how much trust such behaviour engenders in others. Finally, imagine the
example you set for others – the conduct of others will improve just by being
around you consistently.
11. Your word is your bond
Keep all the promises you make and ensure that you make promises only
sparingly. Make your word stronger than any written contract. Refuse to make
empty promises and manipulate people.
When a promise you have made is no longer beneficial to you, instead of
deciding to not follow through, attempt to renegotiate the deal. When you
renegotiate the agreement, ensure that the new commitment provides even more
value to the other person.
12. Be consistent
Above all, be consistent in your behavior. Don’t engage in the behavior
once in a while when it seems convenient. Your consistency is the key to your
trustworthiness. Small actions add up and a track record of high character is
invaluable in any relationship. Become intensely principle-centered and trust
will follow easily and consistently. |
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发表于 2016-7-10 11:36:22