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我想向朋友形容自己看到孩子学会击球时的喜悦之情。我想让她留意宝宝第一次触摸狗的绒毛时的捧腹大笑。朋友的表情让我意识到自己已经是热泪盈眶。“你永远不会后悔，”我最后说，然后紧紧地握住朋友的手，为她、为自己、也为每一位母亲献上自己的祈祷……
Time is running out for my friend. While we are sitting at lunch she
casually mentions she and her husband are thinking of starting a family. "We're
taking a survey,"she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"
"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I
know,"she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous
holidays..."
But that's not what I mean at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide
what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth
classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal,
but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she
will be vulnerable forever.
I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without
thinking: "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house
fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will
wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her
carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how
sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level
of a bear protecting her cub.
I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in
her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange
for child care, but one day she will be going into an important business
meeting, and she will think her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every
ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her child is
all right.
I want my friend to know that every decision will no longer be routine.
That a five-year-old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the
women's at a restaurant will become a major dilemma. The issues of independence
and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester
may be lurking in the lavatory. However decisive she may be at the office, she
will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually she
will shed the added weight of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about
herself. That her own life, now so important, will be of less value to her once
she has a child. She would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but
will also begin to hope for more years—not to accomplish her own dreams—but to
watch her children accomplish theirs.
I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your child learn
to hit a ball. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is
touching the soft fur of a dog for the first time. I want her to taste the joy
that is so real it hurts.
My friend's look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.
"You'll never regret it," I say finally. Then, squeezing my friend's hand, I
offer a prayer for her and me and all of the mere mortal women who stumble their
way into this holiest of callings. |
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发表于 2016-7-10 11:31:10