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Where Love Is , God Is
In a certain town there lived a cobbler, Martin Avdeitch by name. He had a
tiny room in a basement, the one window of which looked out on to the street.
Through it one could only see the feet of those who passed by, but Martin
recognized the people by their boots. He had lived long in the place and had
many acquaintances. There was hardly a pair of boots in the neighborhood that
had not been once or twice through his hands, so he often saw his own handiwork
through the window. Some he had resolved, some patched, some stitched up, and to
some he had even put fresh uppers. He had plenty to do, for he worked well, used
good material, did not charge too much, and could be relied on. If he could do a
job by the day required, he undertook it; if not, he told the truth and gave no
false promises; so he was well known and never short of work. Martin had always
been a good man; but in his old age he began to think more about his soul and to
draw nearer to God. While he still worked for a master, before he set up on his
own account, his wife had died, leaving him with a three-year-old son. None of
his elder children had lived, they had all died in infancy. At first Martin
thought of sending his little son to his sister’s in the country, but then he
felt sorry to part with the boy, thinking: “It would be hard for my little
Kapiton to have to grow up in a strange family; I will keep him with me.”
Martin left his master and went into lodgings with his little son. But he
had no luck with his children. No sooner had the boy reached an age when he
could help his father and be a support as well as a joy to him, than he fell ill
and, after being laid up for a week with a burning fever, died. Martin buried
his son, and gave way to despair so great and overwhelming that he murmured
against God. In his sorrow he prayed again and again that he too might die,
reproaching God for having taken the son he loved, his only son while he, old as
he was, remained alive. After that Martin left off going to church.
One day an old man from Martin’s native village who had been a pilgrim for
the last eight years, called in on his way from Troitsa Monastery. Martin opened
his heart to him, and told him of his sorrow.
“I no longer even wish to live, holy man,” he said. “All I ask of God is
that I soon may die. I am now quite without hope in the world.”
The old man replied: “You have no right to say such things, Martin. We
cannot judge God’s ways. Not our reasoning, but God’s will, decides. If God
willed that your son should die and you should live, it must be best so. As to
your despair – that comes because you wish to live for your own happiness.”
“What else should one live for?” asked Martin.
“For God, Martin,” said the old man. “He gives you life, and you must live
for Him. When you have learnt to live for Him, you will grieve no more, and all
will seem easy to you.” Martin was silent awhile, and then asked: “But how is
one to live for God?”
The old man answered: “How one may live for God has been shown us by
Christ. Can you read? Then buy the Gospels, and read them: there you will see
how God would have you live. You have it all there.”
These words sank deep into Martin’s heart, and that same day he went and
bought himself a Testament in large print, and began to read.
At first he meant only to read on holidays, but having once begun he found
it made his heart so light that he read every day. Sometimes he was so absorbed
in his reading that the oil in his lamp burnt out before he could tear himself
away from the book. He continued to read every night, and the more he read the
more clearly he understood what God required of him, and how he might live for
God. And his heart grew lighter and lighter. Before, when he went to bed he used
to lie with a heavy heart, moaning as he thought of his little Kapiton; but now
he only repeated again and again: “Glory to Thee, glory to Thee, O Lord! They
will be done!”
From that time Martin’s whole life changed. Formerly, on holidays he used
to go and have tea at the public house, and did not even refuse a glass or two
of vodka. Sometimes, after having had a drop with a friend, he left the public
house not drunk, but rather merry, and would say foolish things: shout at a man,
or abuse him. Now, all that sort of thing passed away from him. His life became
peaceful and joyful. He sat down to his work in the morning, and when he had
finished his day’s work he took the lamp down from the wall, stood it on the
table, fetched his book from the shelf, opened it, and sat down to read. The
more he read the better he understood, and the clearer and happier he felt in
his mind.
It happened once that Martin sat up late, absorbed in his book. He was
reading Luke’s Gospel; and in the sixth chapter he came upon the verses:
“To him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and from
him that takes away thy cloak withhold not thy coat also. Give to every man that
asks thee; and of him that takes away thy goods ask them not again.
And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them
likewise.”
He also read the verses where our Lord says:
“And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?
Whosoever cometh to me, and heared my sayings, and doeth them, I will show
you to whom he is like: He is like a man which built an house, and dig
deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream
beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon
a rock. But he that heareth and doeth not, is like a man that without a
foundation built an house upon the earth, against which the stream did beat
vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great.”
When Martin read these words his soul was glad within him. He took off his
spectacles and laid them on the book, and leaning his elbows on the table
pondered over what he had read. He tried his own life by the standard of those
words, asking himself:
“Is my house built on the rock, or on sand? If it stands on the rock, it is
well. It seems easy enough while one sits here alone, and one thinks one has
done all that God commands; but as soon as I cease to be on my guard, I sin
again. Still I will persevere. It brings such joy. Help me, O Lord!”
He thought all this, and was about to go to bed, but was loth to leave his
book. So he went on reading the seventh chapter –about the centurion, the
widow’s son, and the answer to John’s disciples – and he came to the part where
a rich Pharisee invited the Lord to his house; and he read how the woman who was
a sinner, anointed his feet and washed them with her tears, and how he justified
her. Coming to the forty-fourth verse, he read:
“And turning to the woman, he said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman?
I entered into thine house, thou give me no water for my feet: but she hath
wetted my feet with her tears, and wiped them with her hair. Thou give me no
kiss; but she, since the time I came in, hath not ceased to kiss my feet.
My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but she hath anointed my feet with
ointment.”
He read these verses and thought: “He gave no water for his feet, gave no
kiss, his head with oil he did not anoint…” And Martin took off his spectacles
once more, laid them on his book, and pondered.
“He must have been like me, that Pharisee. He too thought only of himself –
how to get a cup of tea, how to keep warm and comfortable; never a thought of
his guest. He took care of himself, but for his guest he cared nothing at all.
Yet who was the guest? The Lord himself! If he came to me, should I behave like
that?”
Then Martin laid his head upon both his arms and, before he was aware of
it, he fell asleep.
“Martin!” he suddenly heard a voice, as if someone had breathed the word
above his ear.
He started from his sleep. “Who’s there?” he asked.
He turned round and looked at the door; no one was there. He called again.
Then he heard quite distinctly: “Martin, Martin! Look out into the street
tomorrow, for I shall come.”
Martin roused himself, rose from his chair and rubbed his eyes, but did not
know whether he had heard these words in a dream or awake. He put out the lamp
and lay down to sleep.
Next morning he rose before daylight, and after saying his prayers he lit
the fire and prepared his cabbage soup and buckwheat porridge. Then he lit the
samovar, put on his apron, and sat down by the window to his work. As he sat
working Martin thought over what had happened the night before. At times it
seemed to him like a dream, and at times he thought that he had really heard the
voice. “Such things have happened before now,” thought he.
So he sat by the window, looking out into the street more than he worked,
and whenever anyone passed in unfamiliar boots he would stoop and look up, so as
to see not the feet only but the face of the passerby as well. A house porter
passed in new felt boots; then a water carrier.
Presently an old soldier of Nicholas’ reign came near the window, spade in
hand. Martin knew him by his boots, which were shabby old felt ones, goloshed
with leather. The old man was called Stepanitch: a neighboring tradesman kept
him in his house for charity, and his duty was to help the house porter. He
began to clear away the snow before Martin’s window. Martin glanced at him and
then went on with his work.
“I must be growing crazy with age,” said Martin, laughing at his fancy.
“Stepanitch comes to clear away the snow, and I must needs imagine it’s
Christ coming to visit me. Old dotard that I am!”
Yet after he had made a dozen stitches he felt drawn to look out of the
window again. He saw that Stepanitch had learned his spade against the wall, and
was either resting himself or trying to get warm. The man was old and broken
down, and had evidently not enough strength even to clear away the snow.
“What if I called him in and gave him some tea?” thought Martin. “The
samovar is just on the boil.”
He stuck his awl in its place, and rose; and putting the samovar on the
table, made tea. Then he tapped the window with his fingers. Stepanitch turned
and came to the window. Martin beckoned to him to come in, and went himself to
open the door.
“Come in,” he said, “and warm yourself a bit. I’m sure you must be
cold.”
“May God bless you!” Stepanitch answered. “My bones do ache to be
sure.”
He came in, first shaking off the snow, and lest he should leave marks on
the floor he began wiping his feet; but as he did so he tottered and nearly
fell.
“Don’t trouble to wipe your feet,” said Martin “I’ll wipe up the floor –
it’s all in the day’s work. Come, friend, sit down and have some tea.”
Filling two tumblers, he passed one to his visitor, and pouring his own out
into the saucer, began to blow on it.
Stepanitch emptied his glass, and, turning it upside down, put the remains
of his piece of sugar on the top. He began to express his thanks, but it was
plain that he would be glad of some more.
“Have another glass,” said Martin, refilling the visitor’s tumbler and his
own. But while he drank his tea Martin kept looking out into the street.
“Are you expecting any one?” asked the visitor.
“Am I expecting any one? Well, now, I’m ashamed to tell you. It isn’t that
I really expect any one; but I heard something last night which I can’t get out
of my mind. Whether it was a vision, or only a fancy, I can’t tell. You see,
friend, last night I was reading the Gospel, about Christ the Lord, how he
suffered, and how he walked on earth. You have heard tell of it, I dare
say.”
“I have heard tell of it,” answered Stepanitch; “but I’m an ignorant man
and not able to read.”
“Well, you see, I was reading of how he walked on earth. I came to that
part, you know, where he went to a Pharisee who did not receive him well.
Well, friend, as I read about it, I thought now that man did not receive
Christ the Lord with proper honor. Suppose such a thing could happen to such a
man as myself, I thought, what would I not do to receive him! But that man gave
him no reception at all. Well, friend, as I was thinking of this, I began to
doze, and as I dozed I heard some one call me by name. I got up, and thought I
heard someone whispering, ‘Expect me; I will come tomorrow.’ This happened twice
over. And to tell you the truth, it sank so into my mind that, though I am
ashamed of it myself, I keep on expecting him, the dear Lord!”
Stepanitch shook his head in silence, finished his tumbler and laid it on
its side; but Martin stood it up again and refilled it for him.
“Here drink another glass, bless you! And I was thinking too, how he walked
on earth and despised no one, but went mostly among common folk. He went with
plain people, and chose his disciples from among the likes of us, from workmen
like us, sinners that we are. ‘He who raises himself,’ he said, ‘shall be
humbled and he who humbles himself shall be raised.’ ‘You call me Lord,’ he
said, ‘and I will wash your feet.’ ‘He who would be first,’ he said, ‘let him be
the servant of all; because,’ he said, ‘blessed are the poor, the humble, the
meek, and the merciful.’”
Stepanitch forgot his tea. He was an old man easily moved to tears, and as
he sat and listened the tears ran down his cheeks.
“Come, drink some more,” said Martin. But Stepanitch crossed himself,
thanked him, moved away his tumbler, and rose.
“Thank you, Martin Avdeitch,” he said, “you have given me food and comfort
both for soul and body.”
“You’re very welcome. Come again another time. I am glad to have a guest,”
said Martin. |
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发表于 2016-7-10 11:23:49