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《孔雀东南飞》(英文搞笑话剧)

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发表于 2016-7-10 09:23:35 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
  Wanderseveryfivemiles
          焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
          焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
          太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)
          Prologue
          (J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
          J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy
          wifeisWuSong.
          (指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!
          (内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?
          MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
          smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
          thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!
          (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
          MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)
          Act1
          (序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
          JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
          (对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
          L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?
          JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
          dearestmother-in-law”.
          L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?
          JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
          lazy……
          L:But……
          JM:Neverinterruptme!
          L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
          daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken
          and……
          JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!
          L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour
          son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)
          Act2
          (LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
          L:Mum,I’mback!
          LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?
          L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.
          LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon
          marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten
          tome.Lookatyourself……
          L:But,mum……
          LM:Neverinterruptme!
          L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And
          I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
          LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter
          Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo
          andtellhim.(下)
          L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅
          铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)
          Act3
          (J睡眼惺忪上)
          J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?
          (走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!
          (突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.
          (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围
          裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now
          shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.
          JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?
          J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!
          JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice
          girl,goandtakeherback!
          J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!
          Act4
          (J开心地走着,忽然跳出来三个强盗)
          A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
          Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
          B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
          C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头,但踩到了A的脚)
          AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
          J(搜遍了每一个口袋,掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough?
          (三强盗晕倒状,接着三人聚在一边商量)
          A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
          B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
          C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand
          robthewedding!
          A&B:Goodidea!
          J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!
          AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
          J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
          (突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo
          withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.
          B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
          J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票,上书$1,000,000)
          Act5
          (转眼已到了婚礼之期.MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上,J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
          (J和三强盗跃至台中)
          ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
          A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!
          B:AndIplantedonetree.
          C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
          J:Giveusallyourmoney!
          (L听到J的声音,掀起了盖头)
          L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
          (MS大怒,挥拳向J打来.J矮身一躲,MS打中了J身后的L,L晕倒)
          J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!(挥拳向MS冲去)
          (J与MS混战,JM上,以拐杖击晕MS)
          (J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
          J(扶起L,关切地问):Honey,howareyou?
          L(哭状):Ihurtalot!
          J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
          L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)
          (音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)
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