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发表于 2016-7-12 23:04:33
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I was born a red-faced screaming malcontent with sparkling blue eyes and chubby cheeks. Along with this extra helping of angst, I felt alien in the world and in my own body, as I was sure I should have been a boy.
I spent most of my youth deeply disappointed so much of the time, because nothing ever looked or felt the way I imagined it should. I wanted to ride my bike with my shirt off all summer. I wanted to play little league baseball — I did not want to wear a dress or curl my hair. I was only happy with a clear blue sky, and I lived in Illinois where winter lasts until May and spring usually skips us altogether. If the day loomed cloudy, and it usually did, my poor mother would fear my lashing out at the weather for having let me down. I took everything so personally.
I lived my life this way for about 27 years, until my life stepped in with a huge lesson that I was just aware enough to notice.
At the time I fancied myself a serious actress; sketch comedy was not on my radar. Out of left field, I was hired for The Second City. For those of you who don’t know, The Second City is a Chicago institution, and the improvisational breeding ground where Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch and Nia Vardolos along with some guys you might recognize, got their start.
There I was, a tightly wound young woman obsessed with process, rules, fresh out of grad school, I was a classically trained pain in the ass, frankly, engaging in improvisation: the creative equivalent of jumping off a cliff. An art where there are no rules, save one; it’s called “YES, AND.”
“YES AND” is the vital and only rule of improvisation. Never deny your fellow actor. You should be willing and able to accept whatever your fellow improviser throws at you. Use that as your jumping off point and expand it. “Heighten and explore,” as we call it.
For instance, if I say to you “Stick ’em up!” and you say “That’s not a gun, that’s your finger!” We’ve got nowhere to go.
If I say “What a beautiful day” and you say, “No it’s not, it’s the middle of winter and it’s snowing!” Where do we go?
Or I say “Come my darling, it’s time for bed.” And you say, “You’re not my wife and put your pants back on!” Now what do I do with that? The scene is dead in the water and I’m literally caught with my pants down.
In order for our scene to go forward, we affirm what the other is saying, which is the “YES” part of our equation, and take it and build, the “AND” part of our equation.
In other words, in order for our lives to go forward, in order to engage fully in life, we need to be willing and able to accept what is right in front of us. Whatever it is, the good, the bad, the thrilling, the heartbreaking, every emotion, occurrence, event, person, place or thing, you will experience them all. That’s the “YES” I’m talking about. And the acceptance and embrace of it with all your heart and doing something with it, that’s the “AND.” You accept influence and then you exert influence. You can’t make a cloudy day a sunny day, but can embrace it and decide it’s going to be a good day after all.
I learn through contrast. I had one of my first significant experiences of “NO, BUT” when I was a freshman in high school. I auditioned for and was cast as the king in a one-act version of the “Princess and the Pea” story called The Ugly Duckling (beginning a life-long pattern of playing roles originally intended for men). I’d known I wanted to be an actress right out of the chute and I was beside myself with excitement.
At the audition, I got huge laughs. At the first rehearsal, I didn’t get the big laughs, I didn’t get the love and I quit. I was devastated and so confused. I had no idea what I had done! My 14-year-old self had no idea how to process it. I had walked up to that which I had ached to do for as long as could remember, and I don’t think I go too far when I say, I came face to face with my destiny, and I walked away. Ya know why? Because it didn’t feel like I imagined it should have felt. I didn’t get the response, i.e. the big laugh, i.e. the big love like I expected. There was now a real possibility of failure and I quit. I was at this time unaware of the concept of “YES AND.” Feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
As you travel through life, in these many years ahead, I guarantee that you will come upon countless times in which the last thing you’re gonna want to say is “YES AND.” You will experience loss, heartache, the death of a loved one, you’ll probably have to say goodbye to a lover, you’ll experience rejection, maybe have to deal with a bad diagnosis. You’ll age.
The trick isn’t to avoid these times or pretend they’re not happening; you can’t. What you’ll need to do is step up to them courageously and embrace them. Allow these experiences to permeate your being and weave them all into the fabric of your life. They will not only soften you and strengthen you, and you will open your heart to compassion. You will not be powerless in this. If you embrace what is happening, instead of denying it, you can make it your own. If life gives you lemons, grab it by the horns and drive. Yes I just mixed three metaphors, remember I was a “C” student.
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