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发表于 2016-7-11 21:37:51
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Section B
46、回答46-56题:
The Art of Friendship
A) One evening a few years ago I found myself in an anxiety. Nothing was
really wrong -- my fam-ily and I were healthy, my career was busy and successful
-- I was just feeling vaguely down andin need of a friend who could raise my
spirits, someone who would meet me for coffee and let merant until the clouds
lifted. I dialed my best friend, who now lives across the country in
California,and got her voicemail. That's when it started to dawn on me --
lonesomeness was at the root of mydreariness. My social life had dwindled to
almost nothing, but somehow until that moment I'd beentoo busy to notice. Now it
hit me hard. My old friends, buddies since college or even childhood,knew
everything about me; when they left, they had taken my context with them.
B) Research has shown the long-range negative consequences of social
isolation on one's health. Butmy concerns were more short-term. I needed to feel
understood right then in the way that only a girlfriend can understand you. I
knew it would be wrong to expect my husband to replace my friends:He couldn't,
and even if he could, to whom would I then complain about my husband? So I
resolvedto acquire new friends -- women like me who had kids and enjoyed rolling
their eyes at the worlda little bit just as I did. Since I'd be making friends
with more intention than I'd ever given the pro-cess, I realized I could be
selective, that I could in effect design my own social life. The downside,of
course, was that I felt pretty frightened.
C) After all, it's a whole lot harder to make friends in midlife that it is
when yon're younger -- a fact woman I've spoken with point out again and again.
As Leslie Danzig, 41, a Chicago theater directorand mother, sees it, when you're
in your teens and 20s, you're more or less friends with everyoneunless there's a
reason not to be. Your college roommate becomes your best pal at least partly
dueto proximity. Now there needs to be a reason to be friends. "There are many
people I'm comfort-able around, but I wouldn't go so far as to call them
friends. Comfort isn't enough to sustain a realfriendship," Danzig says.
D) At first, finding new companions felt awkward. At 40 I couldn't run up
to people the way my4-year-old daughters do in the playground and ask, "Will you
be my friend? Every time you start anew relationship, you're vulnerable again,"
agrees Kathleen Hall, D Min, founder and CEO of theStress Institute, in Atlanta.
"You're asking, 'Would you like to come into my life?' It makes us
self-conscious."
E) Fortunately, my discomfort soon passed. I realized that as a mature
friend seeker my vulnerabilityrisk was actually pretty low. If someone didn't
take me up on my offer, so what: I wasn't in ju-nior high, when I might have
been rejected for having the wrong clothes or hair. At my age I haveamassed
enough self-esteem to realize that I have plenty to offer.
F) We're all so busy, in fact, that mutual interests -- say, in a project,
class, or cause that we alreadymake time for -- become the perfect catalysts for
bringing us in contact with candidates for camara-derie. Michelle Mertes, 35, a
teacher and mother of two in Wausau, Wisconsin, says anew friend shemade at
church came as a pleasant surprise. "In high school I chose friends based on
their popular-ity and how being part of their circle might reflect on me. Now's
it's our shared values and activitiesthat count." Mertes says her pal, with whom
she organized the church's youth programs, is nothinglike her but their drive
and organizational skills make them ideal fiiends.
G) Happily, as awkward as making new friends can be, self-esteem issues do
not factor in -- or if theydo, you can easily put them into perspective. Danzig
tells of the mother of a child in her son's pre-school, a tall, beautiful woman
who is married to a big-deal rock musician. "I said to my husband,'she's too
cool for me,'" she jokes. "I get intimidated by people. But once I got to know
her, sheturned out to be pretty laid-back and friendly." In the end there was no
chemistry between them, sothey didn't become good pals. "I realized that we
weren't each other's type, but it wasn't about hi-erarchy." What midlife
friendship is about, it seems, is reflecting the person you've become (or
arestill becoming) back at yourself, thus reinforcing the progress you've made
in your life.
H) Harlene Katzman, 41, a lawyer in New York City, notes that her oldest
friends knew her back whenshe was less sure of herself. As much as she loves
them, she believes they sometimes respond to is-sues in light of who she once
was. An old chum has the goods on you. With recently made friends,you can turn
over a new leaf.
I) A new friend, chosen right, can also help you point your boat in the
direction you want to go. HannaDershowitz, 39, an attorney and mother in Los
Angeles, found that a new acquaintance from workwas exactly what she needed in a
friend. In addition to liking and respecting Julia, Dershowitz had afeeling that
the fit and athletic younger woman would help her to get in shape.
J) While you're busy making new friends, remember that you still need to
nurture your old ones. Weasked Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis:
Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends WhenYou "re Not a Kid Anymore, for the best
ways to maintain these important relationships. Keep in touch. Your friends
should be a priority; schedule regular lunch dates or coffee catch-up sessions,
nomatter how busy you are. Know her business. Keep track of important events in
a friend's life andshow your support. Call or e-mail to let her know you're
thinking of her. Speak your mind. Tell afriend (politely) if something she did
really upset you. If you can't be totally honest, then you needto reexamine the
relationship. Accept her flaws. No one is perfect, so work around her quirks
--she's chronically late, or she's a bit negative -- to cut down on frustration
and fights. Boost her ego.Heartfelt compliments make everyone feel great, so
tell her how nuch you love her new sweater orwhat a great job she did on a work
project.
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