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Research on what makes a marriage work shows that people in a good marriage
have completed these psychological "tasks":
关于“是什么使婚姻美满”的研究表明，那些拥有幸福婚姻的人们往往已经完成了这些心理“任务”。
1. Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of
estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your
parents and siblings。
在感情上与你成长的家庭分开;不要到产生隔阂的地步，但要足以使你的身份独立于你的父母和兄弟姐妹。
2. Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the
same time set boundaries to protect each partner's autonomy。
在相互的亲昵和一致的基础上建立归属感，但同时也要设定一些界限来保障每一个成员的自主权。
3. Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from
the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations。
建立一种丰富而又愉快的性关系，并保护其免受繁杂工作和家庭义务的干扰。
4. For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and
absorb the impact of a baby's entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the
work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple。
对于有孩子的夫妻，坦然地接受父母这样的严峻角色，消化掉因宝宝的出现而对婚姻生活造成的影响。夫妻双方还要学会继续保护自己和配偶的隐私。
5. Confront and master the inevitable crises of life。
共同面对和掌控生活中不可避免的危机。
6. Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The
marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their
differences, anger and conflict。
在面对逆境时保持婚姻关系的稳定。婚姻应当是一个安全的港湾，在这里夫妻之间可以表达他们的不同观点、忿怒和冲突。
7. Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid
boredom and isolation。
通过幽默和笑声来对待事情，避免厌倦和孤立。
8. Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partnerís needs for
dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support。
扶持和安慰彼此，满足彼此依恋的需求，并提供持续性的鼓励和支持。
9. Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love,
while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time。
随着时间的流逝，即使面对理性的现实，也要保持年轻时候一颗浪漫的心和坠入爱河时美好的憧憬。 |
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发表于 2016-7-10 17:32:59