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Do you like traveling alone or traveling with a group of
people?
学生情况：初三，公立学校学生，长远计划去美国读书。
I like travel alone. There are two reasons.
First, you can control your travel. That is mean can choose the way that
you like, but when you travel with other people, you must consider other people,
so you can't enjoy your travel. For example, you want to go to the Summer Place,
but most people want to go to th Great Wall, so you can't choose your way.
Second, if you travel alone, you will very relaxed. For example, when you
buy ticket, you just need buy one ticket, if you travel alone, but if you travel
with a group of people, you may consider may things. For instance, you will
think about how to make ticket much cheaper and which places is most people
like. It wil make everyone tired.
点评：这是学生的第二篇作品，学生的作品基本没有经过训练，是比较原始的自我组织起来的结构，可以看到拥有比较完整的开头段和包含了两个分论点的主题段，但结尾段的缺失使得全文结构需要全方位的结构重组。显而易见的是字数不够的问题，还包括所书写的句式结构都非常简单，在一起学习了开头段和主题段的结构之后，重新写了自己的作品，最后根据给出的范文再次加深对结构的学习。
学生重写的作品：
Today, work pressure is so heavy that more and more people get mind sick so
everyone wants to relax himself. They find many different ways to relax and
discover one of the best way that called travel. Some people travel alone,
others travel with a group of people. I think the best way is travel alone and
there are two reasons.
First, you can control your travel. It means you can choose things that you
want such as spot, food, hotel, but when you travel with others, you must
consider others. For example, you want to eat Chinese food but most people want
to eat Western food, so you have to eat Western food. You want to go to the
Summer Place, but most people want to go to the Great Wall, so you can't choose
your way. It a big disadvantage that traveling with others worse than traveling
alone. Traveling alone can make you feel freedom.
Second, if you travel alone, you will fee relax. Because when you travel
with others, you must obey the orders. For example, alough you feel tired, you
have to get up one time, but if you travel alone, you can get up at any time
that you want. You will feel relaxed. It is good for your healthy, too.
给出的范文：
In our modern society, an increasing number of people prefer to travel as
their way to relax themselves. Whether we travel alone or we travel with a group
has been a hot issue. Enjoying being free and relaxed, I definitely am in favor
of traveling alone.
First of all, traveling alone means freedom. For me, planning where to go
is of vital importance. For example, if I travel in Beijing, the Forbidden City
is the unique one that I desire to visit. Time permitted, I would rather have a
good time in the Forbidden City twice than visit some other attractions in
Beijing. Only if I have the chance to travel by myself, can I make the final
decision about which place or places of interests that I will visit.
Second of all, traveling alone brings me relaxation. If I travel with a
group, I then have to consider other people's needs, including the price of the
entry tickets and the taste for food. Once, I went to Hongkong with my
colleagues. During the trip, they only choose to go to some place with cheaper
fee. Besides, it was the food of western style that they wanted to eat.
Traveling with them simply made me feel tired I wished I had traveled alone with
what I wanted for relaxation.
Traveling alone gives me nothing but freedom and relaxation, as a result of
which, traveling alone will always be my only choice ever.
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发表于 2016-7-10 16:23:59