美国晚间脱口秀一周笑话精选（7月24日）
"To commemorate the 40th anniversary of the moon landing, the three astronauts from Apollo 11 visited the White House. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were allowed to set foot inside the White House, while Michael Collins was forced to drive around in circles outside." --Conan O'Brien为了庆祝登陆月球40周年，三位阿波罗11号的宇航员访问了白宫。尼尔·阿姆斯特朗和巴兹·奥尔德林被允许踏入白宫，而迈克尔·柯林斯就只能开车在白宫外转圈圈。——柯南·奥布莱恩
当年阿波罗11号登月的时候，阿姆斯特朗和奥尔德林真正的踏上了月球，而柯林斯的任务是绕月球环行。
"According to a new poll, 42% of Americans say they would vote for Sarah Palin for president in 2012. They also said they'd support her decision to step down in 2013." --Conan O'Brien
根据一项最新的民意调查，42%的美国人说他们会在2012年的总统选举中投票给莎拉·佩林。他们还说他们也支持她在2013年辞职的决定。
"Gov. Sanford is still trying to recover from his sex scandal. This is the latest. This weekend, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford wrote an editorial apologizing for his behavior. I'm not sure he's sincere, though, because it starts out, 'Dear Penthouse.'" --Conan O'Brien
桑福德州长仍然在试图从性丑闻的影响中恢复过来。这是他最近的举动。这个周末，南卡罗来纳州州长马克·桑福德为他的行为写了一个社论式的道歉。我不确定他是真心的，因为开头是这么写的：亲爱的Penthouse。——柯南·奥布莱恩
Penthouse是美国一本男性成人杂志。
"On Monday, Defense Secretary Robert Gates, announced that the U.S. will send an additional 22,000 troops to Iraq to speed up the withdrawal effort. It's all part of the Administration's new exit strategy, 'Reverse Psychology.'" --Jimmy Fallon
周一，国防部长罗伯特·盖茨宣布美国将增派22，000人的部队到伊拉克以加快撤军。这都是政府新退出战略的组成部分，“逆向心理”。——吉米·法伦
"The astronauts went on a space walk today to change the batteries on the outside of the International Space Station. They hope the space walk will answer some key questions...Like, who put the batteries on the outside of the space station?" --Craig Ferguson
宇航员们今天进行了一次太空行走去换掉国际空间站外面的电池组。他们希望这次的太空行走将回答一些关键问题——比如，谁把电池组放到空间站外面的？——克莱格·弗格森
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"But the governor of South Carolina, Governor Sanford has lately been seen not wearing his wedding ring. And I was thinking, geez, I hope he didn't lose it while he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Then he'll never find it." --David Letterman
但是据观察，最近南卡罗来纳州的州长，桑福德州长已经没有戴婚戒了。我那会想，老天，我希望他不是在阿巴拉契亚山远足的时候丢掉的，要是那样的话他就永远也找不回来了。——大卫·莱特曼
"President Obama throws out the first pitch at the All-Star Game. And people are criticizing him because he had the big baggy jeans on…I want to tell you something. In all honesty, if we had wanted a president who looked good in pants, we'd have elected Hillary." --David Letterman
奥巴马总统在全明星赛上投出了第一个球。人们都在批评他因为他穿了一条松松垮垮的牛仔裤——我很想跟你们说一句话，发自肺腑的，要是咱们想要一个穿裤子穿的好看的总统的话，咱们当初就应该选希拉里。——大卫·莱特曼
"A new book reveals that George Bush's twin daughters Jenna and Barbara were a nightmare for Secret Service to keep tabs on. The girls responded, 'That's not true. We had tabs at every bar we went to.'" --Jimmy Fallon
一本新书披露说乔治·布什的双胞胎女儿吉娜和芭芭拉曾是特勤部监视工作的恶梦。女孩们回应说：“那不是真的，我们在去过的每一家酒吧都留了账单。”——吉米·法伦
"I know where I'm going to go on my next break. I'm going to the C Street House in Washington, D.C. You know what this is? It's kind of a frat house for Christian congressman, where they live and pray together and counsel each other on how to adhere to the nine commandments." --Bill Maher
我知道我下次休假去哪里了，我要去华盛顿特区的C街，你知道那是什么吗？这是一种基督徒国会议员们的兄弟会房区，他们住在那里，一起祈祷互相劝导如何遵守九诫。——比尔·马赫
基督教义本来是摩西十诫的，这里变成了九诫，少了哪一个呢？咱们往下看。
"I say the nine commandments because Gov. Sanford hung out there, John Ensign, the Senator from Nevada who was banging his chief of staff's wife, he lives there. And now a third alumnus, a former Republican congressman named Chip Pickering, has also been exposed for cheating on his wife, apparently actually in the house. It kind of makes you miss those innocent days when Republicans just tried to blow a stranger in an airport bathroom." --Bill Maher
我说九诫是因为桑福德州长在那里混，内华达州的参议员约翰·恩赛，这个因为和下属的妻子乱搞丢掉了工作的家伙，他住在那。现在第三位“志同道合”的人也来了，这个前共和党议员奇普·皮克林被爆对妻子不忠，他也在那里。这有点让人怀念那个纯真年代，那时候共和党人只是试图在一个机场的卫生间性骚扰一个陌生人。——比尔·马赫
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