优秀散文赏析：维系永恒的婚姻与爱情
维系永恒的婚姻与爱情Challenges to a Lasting Relationship
"Of all the misconceptions about love, the most powerful and pervasive
(普遍深入的)is the belief that falling in love is love or at least one of the
manifestations (显现，表示)of love." -- M. SCOTT PECK
People who are married or in committed relationships are healthier,
wealthier, and happier. So why do more than 60 percent of marriages end in
divorce? Why has the national divorce rate climbed more than 200 percent in the
last thirty years? And why are fewer people getting married today than ever
before?
The answers to these questions are plentiful, but the main reason is
simple. It"s easy to "fall" in love, but very few people know how to stay in
love. Even though staying in love is our "smartest" choice all the way around!
Recent studies on marriage prove it"s one of the major ingredients (成分，因素)in
life-long success for men and women. "It lengthens life, substantially boosts
(推进)physical and emotional health, and raises income over that of single or
divorced people or those who live together," reported an article in the New York
Times. Marriage has also been found to boost happiness, reduce the degree of
depression, and provide protection from sexually transmitted diseases.
So let"s wake up, make up, and turn this trend around! One of the most
startling (令人吃惊的)pieces of evidence that shows people are not in touch with
(了解。。。的情况)what"s really going on in their partnerships is the fact that the
majority of people who file (v.提出申请)for divorce say they didn"t think there was
a relationship-threatening problem just six months prior to breaking up. Another
shocker is that most couples wait six years or more to seek professional help
when their relationship is in danger. By the time they do wake up and smell the
coffee, it"s often too late.
Truly there is no reason to resign yourself to a bad relationship ? whether
you"re dating or married. Rather than changing partners and ending up this same
predicament (困境)again, you can learn to have a fabulous relationship with the
partner you already have! I strongly encourage you to make the relationship you
have work, because there is a higher rate of divorce and adultery in second
marriages.
Getting rid of your partner does not get rid of the problem, because half
of the "problem" is yours. You can walk out on your marriage, but you can"t run
away from yourself, no matter how hard you try! Rather than blaming each other,
couples can learn how to work as a team and coach each other through the
troubled times and power struggles. To do this, you must create a "safe"
relationship so you can express your needs and fears and effectively resolve
anger and conflict. More relationships break up because people don"t know how to
validate (验证)each other (that frustration escalates to become anger) than for
any other reason. This is truly a shame, because the skills for "fighting fair"
are very easy to master with just a little practice and patience.
One of the biggest causes of unresolved anger between people is a lack of
understanding. Men and women have different strengths and weaknesses, different
ways of expressing ourselves, and different "childhood wounds" that we"re trying
to heal. While it may seem like we"re from different planets we are actually
very much alike when it comes to our need and desire for love and intimacy. We
only behave differently in our quests for (追求，探索)closeness. Stop doing what you
think is "fair" or "right" and start doing what works! It"s not about "working
harder" it"s about "working smarter".
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