经典英语美文欣赏-如何维系永恒的婚姻与爱情
Challenges to a Lasting RelationshipDr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
"Of all the misconceptions about love, the most powerful and pervasive is
the belief that falling in love is love or at least one of the manifestations of
love." -- M. SCOTT PECK
People who are married or in committed relationships are healthier,
wealthier, and happier. So why do more than 60 percent of marriages end in
divorce? Why has the national divorce rate climbed more than 200 percent in the
last thirty years? And why are fewer people getting married today than ever
before?
The answers to these questions are plentiful, but the main reason is
simple. It's easy to "fall" in love, but very few people know how to stay in
love. Even though staying in love is our "smartest" choice all the way around!
Recent studies on marriage prove it's one of the major ingredients in life-long
success for men and women. "
It lengthens life, substantially boosts physical and emotional health, and
raises income over that of single or divorced people or those who live
together," reported an article in the New York Times. Marriage has also been
found to boost happiness, reduce the degree of depression, and provide
protection from sexually transmitted diseases.
So let's wake up, make up, and turn this trend around! One of the most
startling pieces of evidence that shows people are not in touch with what's
really going on in their partnerships is the fact that the majority of people
who file for divorce say they didn't think there was a relationship-threatening
problem just six months prior to breaking up. Another shocker is that most
couples wait six years or more to seek professional help when their relationship
is in danger. By the time they do wake up and smell the coffee, it's often too
late.
Truly there is no reason to resign yourself to a bad relationship ? whether
you're dating or married. Rather than changing partners and ending up this same
predicament again, you can learn to have a fabulous relationship with the
partner you already have! I strongly encourage you to make the relationship you
have work, because there is a higher rate of divorce and adultery in second
marriages.
Getting rid of your partner does not get rid of the problem, because half
of the "problem" is yours. You can walk out on your marriage, but you can't run
away from yourself, no matter how hard you try! Rather than blaming each other,
couples can learn how to work as a team and coach each other through the
troubled times and power struggles.
To do this, you must create a "safe" relationship so you can express your
needs and fears and effectively resolve anger and conflict. More relationships
break up because people don't know how to validate each other (that frustration
escalates to become anger) than for any other reason. This is truly a shame,
because the skills for "fighting fair" are very easy to master with just a
little practice and patience.
One of the biggest causes of unresolved anger between people is a lack of
understanding. Men and women have different strengths and weaknesses, different
ways of expressing ourselves, and different "childhood wounds" that we're trying
to heal.
While it may seem like we're from different planets we are actually very
much alike when it comes to our need and desire for love and intimacy. We only
behave differently in our quests for closeness. Stop doing what you think is
"fair" or "right" and start doing what works! It's not about "working harder"
it's about "working smarter".
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