英语小品剧本 -- 英语话剧剧本 Pygmalion
Pygmalion (By George Bernard Shaw)ACT I
Covent Garden at 11.15 p.m. Torrents of heavy summer rain. Cab whistles blowing frantically in all directions. Pedestrians running for shelter into the market and under the portico of St. Paul's Church, where there are already several people, among them a lady and her daughter in evening dress. They are all peering out gloomily at the rain, except one man with his back turned to the rest, who seems wholly preoccupied with a notebook in which he is writing busily.
The church clock strikes the first quarter.
THE DAUGHTER
I'm getting chilled to the bone. What can Freddy be doing all this time? Hes been gone twenty minutes.
THE MOTHER
Not so long. But he ought to have got us a cab by this.
A BYSTANDER
He wont get no cab not until half-past eleven, missus, when they come back after dropping their theatre fares.
THE MOTHER
But we must have a cab. We cant stand here until half-past eleven. It's too bad.
THE BYSTANDER
Well, it aint my fault, missus.
THE DAUGHTER
If Freddy had a bit of gumption, he would have got one at the theatre door.
THE MOTHER
What could he have done, poor boy?
THE DAUGHTER
Other people got cabs. Why couldnt he?
Freddy rushes in out of the rain from the Southampton Street side, and comes between them closing a dripping umbrella. He is a young man of twenty, in evening dress, very wet around the ankles.
THE DAUGHTER
Well, havnt you got a cab?
FREDDY
Theres not one to be had for love or money.
THE MOTHER
Oh, Freddy, there must be one. You cant have tried.
THE DAUGHTER
It's too tiresome. Do you expect us to go and get one ourselves?
FREDDY
I tell you theyre all engaged. The rain was so sudden: nobody was prepared; and everybody had to take a cab. Ive been to Charing Cross one way and nearly to Ludgate Circus the other; and they were all engaged.
THE MOTHER
Did you try Trafalgar Square?
FREDDY
There wasnt one at Trafalgar Square.
THE DAUGHTER
Did you try?
FREDDY
I tried as far as Charing Cross Station. Did you expect me to walk to Hammersmith?
THE DAUGHTER
You havnt tried at all.
THE MOTHER
You really are very helpless, Freddy. Go again; and dont come back until you have found a cab.
FREDDY
I shall simply get soaked for nothing.
THE DAUGHTER
And what about us? Are we to stay here all night in this draught, with next to nothing on. You selfish pig--
FREDDY
Oh, very well: I'll go, I'll go. .
THE FLOWER GIRL
Nah then, Freddy: look wh' y' gowin, deah.
FREDDY
Sorry .
THE FLOWER GIRL
Theres menners f' yer! Te-oo banches o voylets trod into the mad. .
THE MOTHER
How do you know that my son's name is Freddy, pray?
THE FLOWER GIRL
Ow, eez ye-ooa san, is e? Wal, fewd dan y' de-ooty bawmz a mather should, eed now bettern to spawl a pore gel's flahrzn than ran awy athaht pyin. Will ye-oo py me f'them?
THE DAUGHTER
Do nothing of the sort, mother. The idea!
THE MOTHER
Please allow me, Clara. Have you any pennies?
THE DAUGHTER
No. I've nothing smaller than sixpence.
THE FLOWER GIRL
I can give you change for a tanner, kind lady.
THE MOTHER
Give it to me. . Now This is for your flowers.
THE FLOWER GIRL
Thank you kindly, lady.
THE DAUGHTER
Make her give you the change. These things are only a penny a bunch.
THE MOTHER
Do hold your tongue, Clara. . You can keep the change.
THE FLOWER GIRL
Oh, thank you, lady.
THE MOTHER
Now tell me how you know that young gentleman's name.
THE FLOWER GIRL
I didnt.
THE MOTHER
I heard you call him by it. Dont try to deceive me.
THE FLOWER GIRL
Whos trying to deceive you? I called him Freddy or Charlie same as you might yourself if you was talking to a stranger and wished to be pleasant. .
THE DAUGHTER
Sixpence thrown away! Really, mamma, you might have spared Freddy that. .
An elderly gentleman of the amiable military type rushes into shelter, and closes a dripping umbrella. He is in the same plight as Freddy, very wet about the ankles. He is in evening dress, with a light overcoat. He takes the place left vacant by the daughter's retirement.
THE GENTLEMAN
Phew!
THE MOTHER
Oh, sir, is there any sign of its stopping?
THE GENTLEMAN
I'm afraid not. It started worse than ever about two minutes ago. .
THE MOTHER
Oh, dear! .
THE FLOWER GIRL
. If it's worse it's a sign it's nearly over. So cheer up, Captain; and buy a flower off a poor girl.
THE GENTLEMAN
I'm sorry, I havnt any change.
THE FLOWER GIRL
I can give you change, Captain.
THE GENTLEMEN
For a sovereign? Ive nothing less.
THE FLOWER GIRL
Garn! Oh do buy a flower off me, Captain. I can change half-a-crown. Take this for tuppence.
THE GENTLEMAN
Now dont be troublesome: theres a good girl. I really havnt any change--Stop: heres three hapence, if thats any use to you .
THE FLOWER GIRL
Thank you, sir.
THE BYSTANDER
You be careful: give him a flower for it. Theres a bloke here behind taking down every blessed word youre saying. .
THE FLOWER GIRL
I aint done nothing wrong by speaking to the gentleman. Ive a right to sell flowers if I keep off the kerb. I'm a respectable girl: so help me, I never spoke to him except to ask him to buy a flower off me. Oh, sir, dont let him charge me. You dunno what it means to me. Theyll take away my character and drive me on the streets for speaking to gentlemen. They--
THE NOTE TAKER
There, there, there, there! whos hurting you, you silly girl? What do you take me for?
THE BYSTANDER
It's all right: hes a gentleman: look at his boots. She thought you was a copper's nark, sir.
THE NOTE TAKER
Whats a copper's nark?
THE BYSTANDER
It's a--well, it's a copper's nark, as you might say. What else would you call it? A sort of informer.
THE FLOWER GIRL
I take my Bible oath I never said a word--
THE NOTE TAKER
Oh, shut up, shut up. Do I look like a policeman?
THE FLOWER GIRL
Then what did you take down my words for? How do I know whether you took me down right? You just shew me what youve wrote about me. . Whats that? That aint proper writing. I cant read that.
THE NOTE TAKER
I can. "Cheer ap, Keptin; n' baw ya flahr orf a pore gel."
THE FLOWER GIRL
It's because I called him Captain. I meant no harm. Oh, sir, dont let him lay a charge agen me for a word like that. You--
THE GENTLEMAN
Charge! I make no charge. Really, sir, if you are a detective, you need not begin protecting me against molestation by young women until I ask you. Anybody could see that the girl meant no harm.
THE BYSTANDERS GENERALLY
Course they could. What business is it of yours? You mind your own affairs. He wants promotion, he does. Taking down people's words! Girl never said a word to him. What harm if she did? Nice thing a girl cant shelter from the rain without being insulted, etc., etc., etc.
THE BYSTANDER
He aint a tec. Hes a blooming busybody: thats what he is. I tell you, look at his boots.
THE NOTE TAKER
And how are all your people down at Selsey?
THE BYSTANDER
Who told you my people come from Selsey?
THE NOTE TAKER
Never you mind. They did. How do you come to be up so far east? You were born in Lisson Grove.
THE FLOWER GIRL
Oh, what harm is there in my leaving Lisson Grove? It wasnt fit for a pig to live in; and I had to pay four-and-six a week. Oh, boo--hoo--oo--
THE NOTE TAKER
Live where you like; but stop that noise.
THE GENTLEMAN
Come, come! he cant touch you: you have a right to live where you please.
A SARCASTIC BYSTANDER
Park Lane, for instance. Id like to go into the Housing Question with you, I would.
THE FLOWER GIRL
I'm a good girl, I am.
THE SARCASTIC BYSTANDER
Do you know where I come from?
THE NOTE TAKER
Hoxton.
Titterings. Popular interest in the note taker's performance increases.
THE SARCASTIC ONE
Well, who said I didnt? Bly me! You know everything, you do.
THE FLOWER GIRL
Aint no call to meddle with me, he aint.
THE BYSTANDER
Of course he aint. Dont you stand it from him. See here: what call have you to know about people what never offered to meddle with you? Wheres your warrant?
SEVERAL BYSTANDERS
Yes: wheres your warrant?
THE FLOWER GIRL
Let him say what he likes. I dont want to have no truck with him.
THE BYSTANDER
You take us for dirt under your feet, dont you? Catch you taking liberties with a gentleman!
THE SARCASTIC BYSTANDER
Yes: tell h i m where he come from if you want to go fortune-telling.
THE NOTE TAKER
Cheltenham, Harrow, Cambridge, and India.
THE GENTLEMAN
Quite right. . May I ask, sir, do you do this for your living at a music hall?
THE NOTE TAKER
Ive thought of that. Perhaps I shall some day.
The rain has stopped; and the persons on the outside of the crowd begin to drop off.
THE FLOWER GIRL
Hes no gentleman, he aint, to interfere with a poor girl.
THE DAUGHTER
What on earth is Freddy doing? I shall get pneumonia if I stay in this draught any longer.
THE NOTE TAKER
Earlscourt.
THE DAUGHTER
Will you please keep your impertinent remarks to yourself?
THE NOTE TAKER
Did I say that out loud? I didnt mean to. I beg your pardon. Your mother's Epsom, unmistakeably.
THE MOTHER
How very curious! I was brought up in Largelady Park, near Epsom.
THE NOTE TAKER
Ha! ha! What a devil of a name! Excuse me. You want a cab, do you?
THE DAUGHTER
Dont dare speak to me.
THE MOTHER
Oh, please, please Clara. We should be so grateful to you, sir, if you found us a cab. . Oh, thank you. .
The note taker blows a piercing blast.
THE SARCASTIC BYSTANDER
There! I knowed he was a plain-clothes copper.
THE BYSTANDER
That aint a police whistle: thats a sporting whistle.
THE FLOWER GIRL
Hes no right to take away my character. My character is the same to me as any lady's.
THE NOTE TAKER
I dont know whether youve noticed it; but the rain stopped about two minutes ago.
THE BYSTANDER
So it has. Why didnt you say so before? and us losing our time listening to your silliness. .
THE SARCASTIC BYSTANDER
I can tell where you come from. You come from Anwell. Go back there.
THE NOTE TAKER
Hanwell.
THE SARCASTIC BYSTANDER
Thenk you, teacher. Haw haw! So long .
THE FLOWER GIRL
Frightening people like that! How would he like it himself.
THE MOTHER
It's quite fine now, Clara. We can walk to a motor bus. Come. .
THE DAUGHTER
But the cab--. Oh, how tiresome! .
All the rest have gone except the note taker, the gentleman, and the flower girl, who sits arranging her basket, and still pitying herself in murmurs.
THE FLOWER GIRL
Poor girl! Hard enough for her to live without being worrited and chivied.
THE GENTLEMAN
How do you do it, if I may ask?
THE NOTE TAKER
Simply phonetics. The science of speech. Thats my profession: also my hobby. Happy is the man who can make a living by his hobby! You can spot an Irishman or a Yorkshireman by his brogue. I can place any man within six miles. I can place him within two miles in London. Sometimes within two streets.
THE FLOWER GIRL
Ought to be ashamed of himself, unmanly coward!
THE GENTLEMAN
But is there a living in that?
THE NOTE TAKER
Oh yes. Quite a fat one. This is an age of upstarts. Men begin in Kentish Town with ?0 a year, and end in Park Lane with a hundred thousand. They want to drop Kentish Town; but they give themselves away every time they open their mouths. Now I can teach them--
THE FLOWER GIRL
Let him mind his own business and leave a poor girl--
THE NOTE TAKER
Woman: cease this detestable boohooing instantly; or else seek the shelter of some other place of worship.
THE FLOWER GIRL
Ive a right to be here if I like, same as you.
THE NOTE TAKER
A woman who utters such depressing and disgusting sounds has no right to be anywhere--no right to live. Remember that you are a human being with a soul and the divine gift of articulate speech: that your native language is the language of Shakespear and Milton and The Bible; and dont sit there crooning like a bilious pigeon.
THE FLOWER GIRL
Ah-ah-ah-ow-ow-ow-oo!
THE NOTE TAKER
Heavens! what a sound! Ah-ah-ah-ow-ow-ow-oo!
THE FLOWER GIRL
Garn!
THE NOTE TAKER
You see this creature with her kerbstone English: the English that will keep her in the gutter to the end of her days. Well, sir, in three months I could pass that girl off as a duchess at an ambassador's garden party. I could even get her a place as lady's maid or shop assistant, which requires better English. Thats the sort of thing I do for commercial millionaires. And on the profits of it I do genuine scientific work in phonetics, and a little as a poet on Miltonic lines.
THE GENTLEMAN
I am myself a student of Indian dialects; and--
THE NOTE TAKER
Are you? Do you know Colonel Pickering, the author of Spoken Sanscrit?
THE GENTLEMAN
I am Colonel Pickering. Who are you?
THE NOTE TAKER
Henry Higgins, author of Higgins's Universal Alphabet.
PICKERING
I came from India to meet you.
HIGGINS
I was going to India to meet you.
PICKERING
Where do you live?
HIGGINS
27A Wimpole Street. Come and see me tomorrow.
PICKERING
I'm at the Carlton. Come with me now and lets have a jaw over some supper.
HIGGINS
Right you are.
THE FLOWER GIRL
Buy a flower, kind gentleman. I'm short for my lodging.
PICKERING
I really havnt any change. I'm sorry .
HIGGINS
Liar. You said you could change half-a-crown.
THE FLOWER GIRL
You ought to be stuffed with nails, you ought. Take the whole blooming basket for sixpence.
The church clock strikes the second quarter.
HIGGINS
A reminder. .
THE FLOWER GIRL
Ah-ow-ooh! Aaah-ow-ooh! Aaaaaah-ow-ooh! Aaaaaaaaaaaah-ow-ooh!!!
FREDDY
Got one at last. Hallo! Where are the two ladies that were here?
THE FLOWER GIRL
They walked to the bus when the rain stopped.
FREDDY
And left me with a cab on my hands. Damnation!
THE FLOWER GIRL
Never you mind, young man. I'm going home in a taxi. Eightpence aint no object to me, Charlie. . Angel Court, Drury Lane, round the corner of Micklejohn's oil shop. Lets see how fast you can make her hop it. .
FREDDY
Well, I'm dashed!
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