【NPR新闻】让爸爸妈妈不吵架的方法(2/3)
Parents can minimize the negative impact of their arguments on their
children using a few simple techniques to calm down.
Hints:
Phillips
Laura Kastner
University of
Washington
http://t1.g.hjfile.cn/listen/201305/201305020117229343705.mp3Phillips says parents really need to stop before they go too far. Take for example, an argument that erupts while driving in the car.
If they're very, very heated and now they're screaming and they're moving from that to name calling, one of them has to say let's cool it for now; one of them has to remember if there's any reason to change your behavior, the children are the reason. They're in the car and there's not a thing they can do about it; they're a captive audience.
For parents who feel they just can't stop arguing when they get angry, there are some techniques that can help.
Psychologist Laura Kastner, with the University of Washington, has written a number of books about what she calls getting to calm.
The default position should be to say nothing; a good slogan is don't just do something, stand there; because getting to calm is the number one priority.
And while just standing there, breathe, deeply and slowly.
Breathe in over five seconds; you exhale over five seconds, and you continue this for two to three minutes.
By focusing on your breathing, you begin to regulate your emotions. And Kastner says it's amazing how quickly you can calm yourself and get your heart rate down so you can start thinking again. The more you do this, she says, the more automatic it becomes.Phillips 说父母在争吵中需要避免将争吵升级。举一个例子来说，开车之时爆发的争吵。
如果他们的争吵非常激烈并且现在他们对着彼此大嚷嚷然后升级为谩骂，这两人中的一个要说：让我们现在平静下来，不要吵了；其中一个人要记住如果有让你改变你现在的做法的原因，你的孩子就是原因。他们就坐在车里并且对你们的争吵还无能为力；他们是非自愿的听众。
对于那些愤怒但感觉自己无法停止争吵的家长而言，我们有一些有用的技巧。
心理学家Laura Kastner和华盛顿大学一道，写了很多关于保持冷静的书籍。
默认的立场就是什么也不说；一个好口号就是什么也不要做就站在那儿；因为冷静是当前最重要的事。
当站在那儿的时候，深呼吸。
深呼吸超过5秒；呼气超过5秒，持续深呼吸2~3分钟。
通过集中精力于呼吸，你开始调整你的情绪。Kastner 说通过深呼吸使你迅速冷静并且降低你心率的效果是十分显著的，然后你可以重新思考了。她说，这个方法你使用得越多，它就越会不由自主的发生。
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