【NPR新闻】让爸爸妈妈不吵架的方法(1/3)
Parents can minimize the negative impact of their arguments on their
children using a few simple techniques to calm down.
Hints:
Patti Neighmond
Suzanne Phillips
New York
http://t1.g.hjfile.cn/listen/201305/201305020116131995443.mp3And it may be unrealistic to expect parents to never fight in front of their kids. The good news is there are ways to minimize the psychological impact on children.
As NPR's Patti Neighmond reports, it's not that parents fight but how they fight that can make the difference.
Suzanne Phillips is a psychologist in New York who works with adults and children. She says one of the most important things for parents to remember when they're on the verge of a big argument is not to try to get the child on their side.
Remember the child, in some ways, identifies with both of those parents so if the mother is really asking the child to be her sounding board, she robs that child from the ability to feel good about his connection with the father.
And also don't criticize or demean the other parent. Phillips says, when you do that, the child feels as if you're criticizing or demeaning them.
Which is why we see often shame and low self-esteem in children who are caught in these battles.期望父母永远不在孩子们面前争吵是不现实的。不过好消息是，我们有把争吵对孩子心理上的影响降到最低的方法。
正如NPR的Patti Neighmond 所报道的，是父母怎样争吵而非父母争吵与否能够有不同的效果。
Suzanne Phillips是一名纽约的心理学家，他和成年人以及孩子合作。她说父母要牢记的最重要的一件事就是当他们马上就要大吵特吵的时候不要让孩子卷入他们任一边。
在某些方式上，要记住，孩子和两个家长都保持一致。所以说，如果妈妈真的要求孩子成为她的传音板，她就剥夺了孩子对其与父亲关系的好感觉。
同时，不要批评或者贬低另一半。Phillips 说，当你那样做的时候，孩子们的感觉是你在批评他们自己。
以上就是我们为什么能看到卷入这些战争中的孩子们总是很羞愧而且缺乏自尊。
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