和老外聊聊中国文化：Personal Privacy vs．Hospitality 隐私与亲密
A: I don’t like my Chinese friends calling me ‘Lao Wai’. It makes me feelthat I am not one of them.
B: Actually, Chinese people want to treat you as one of us. The word ‘lao’
always implies respect and closeness when used to address someone. For example,
senior people are often addressed as ‘lao Wang’ or ‘lao Li’.
A: I see. Many people are learning English nowadays because of the
Olympics. But it’s a bit weird to hear people say hello to me in the street.
That’s the word you use to answer phone. So it feels like everybody in the
street is on the phone.
A: Chinese people are friendly. We are also curious about people from afar.
What you’ve just said is an example of such a feeling.
B: But occasionally, some people tend to be over-enthusiastic. I was
reading in a subway one hot summer day when a young man looked at my arm and
asked, “Don’t you feel hot with so much hair on your arm?”I have a five-year-old
son. And sometimes people like to touch his face or even hold him up in the
arms. He doesn’t like that. So I have to explain to him that is the Chinese way
of showing affection. Another time, I was reading a newspaper in a subway, and a
person suddenly put his head on my shoulder and helped himself to my paper.
A: That’s just like what we read in “A neighbor is more dependable than a
distant relative.”Today’s China has evolved from its agricultural origins, where
there was limited mobility. Those old traditions have given rise to a unique
level of human relationship, which doesn’t accommodate personal privacy. People
treat each other like one big family. The level of closeness is easily visible
in everyday greetings such as “Have you eaten?”and “Where are you going?”Even
during first encounters, Chinese people may still ask such questions as “Are you
married?”、“How old are you?”or other questions which may be very personal to
westerner.
B: Or you should learn to appreciate it rather than feeling offended.
A: You’ve got it. This is Chinese hospitality just like the person who
shared your newspaper. I remember some of my western friends telling me that
sometimes they will either charge less or offer more when doing the grocery
shopping. Again this is all about Chinese hospitality.
B: Well, it seems I am an unlucky person because I’ve never been in a
situation where people are willing to charge me less.
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